Glimpses of Heaven
by idon'tedit
Summary: Sequel to Desperate Times. "To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven." Karen Sunde. Follow Hermione and Severus through their journey as a newly married couple. What adventures lay ahead for the two war heroes?
1. part 1

**Ch1: Song for this chapter All My Heart by Sleeping with Sirens**

 **HPOV**

The first day of my life, that was tomorrow, today was a day that was unfortunately devoted to the past. Before Severus and I moved back to Hogwarts for the new school year, there was an interview that each of us had to sit through in order to fulfill a contract we had drawn up with the editor at The Daily Prophet. In return for the extensive interviews we were about to give, the paper was agreeing not to publish any article in relation to either of us without our seal of approval. The only exception was breaking news that affected the wizarding world at large. I made sure there was a specific line written into the contract that should anything about our personal lives make it onto their pages without our consent they would be facing a mountain of a lawsuit.

And so I sat down to answer questions about the downfall of Rita Skeeter, which admittedly I had orchestrated, and Severus would be giving an interview about the revelation that Peter Pettigrew was alive, and was the true responsible party for the murder of the Potters. I was actually looking forward to seeing what all Severus shared with the paper. Would he tell them about how he and Sirius had built a strong relationship and were actually friends now, or would he simply state that Sirius was able to make friends now that he was released from his wrongful imprisonment? Would he state his belief that Wormtail deserved far worse than his double life sentence in Azkaban or would he be political and say that justice had been served after such a long delay?

"We're ready for you Mrs. Snape," the mousy little reporter said as she hurried over to me with quill in hand.

"Lead the way," I said standing from my seat, and waiting to see if she was planning to take notes on how I walked into the interview room.

She began to move forward, and I followed after her peaking over my shoulder to pucker my lips at Severus where he sat waiting for his own interviewer. As always he pressed his fingers against his lips, and I felt the smile take over my face. The girl I was following held a door open for me, and I stepped into the small room with a plain wooden table and a chair on either side. I took a seat in the chair nearest to the door out of habit from all the time I needed to be able to make a quick escape due to the time turner, and she sat down opposite of me.

"Mrs. Snape, how are you this afternoon?" she asked me.

"Just fine," I answered with a soft smile. "How are you, Miss…"

"Hornbecker, Miss Hornbecker," she offered eagerly. "But you can call me Ellie."

"How are you today Ellie," I asked again, amused by her enthusiasm.

"I'm great Mrs. Snape," she gushed. "This is my first front page article. Which is a big deal even if I am running below the fold."

"Ah yes, I believe we've been over shadowed by my husband," I chuckled. "But I hope you will write a wonderful article even if it is below the fold."

"Oh absolutely," she chirped, and I wondered where she got all of her energy from. "We should probably get started shouldn't we?"

I nodded at her patiently.

"When would you say that you first noticed something wasn't quite right about Miss Skeeter?" she asked me.

"That depends," I hedged. "Do you mean with her writing practices, or with how she obtained the information for her articles?"

"I'm so sorry, I should have been more clear," she rushed. "When did you first question the types of articles Miss Skeeter was writing?"

"The very first time she interviewed me," I answered honestly. "She was one of the reporters allowed access to the Victory Ball and rather than asking any questions about the event we were there for, her questions all revolved around my relationship with Severus. I noticed immediately that she wasn't necessarily interested in current events, but rather in spreading gossip."

"You didn't think her work constituted news?" Ellie pushed.

"Well not the type of news that should run in a paper as reputable as The Daily Prophet," I said slickly. "Her articles, while offensive, would probably be perfectly acceptable in a women's magazine. Those usually have gossip columns in them don't they?"

"Do you not read women's magazines?" Ellie asked with a nearly inaudible laugh, making me unsure of if the question was on or off the record.

"I might have found time for them in the past," I answered as diplomatically as possible. "But after the way my name was publicly thrashed by the type of gossip that runs in those periodicals, I can't bring myself to support such a practice."

"Do you think perhaps Miss Skeeter should have been allowed the option of writing for such a magazine?" Ellie asked.

"If she had committed only one offense of libel I would agree that she shouldn't receive such a harsh punishment," I pointed out. "But her career is littered with the scandalous articles that I blew the whistle on. I honestly don't believe she should be allowed to publish when she gives such little care to the effect her words have."

"Wouldn't you say the effects of her work are short lived?" Ellie asked kindly, but I had to stifle the anger that rose up in me at such an impertinent question.

"I don't think they are," I said as lightly as I could manage. "For example Rubeus Hagrid is still facing discrimination for the article written about him, and I myself have yet to repair a personal relationship that was torn apart by the article that insinuated I was seeing four different men."

"Would that be your relationship with Mrs. Weasley," Ellie rushed. "Our sources said that there was a falling out over the rumored treatment of Ronald Weasley."

"I'm sorry, is this article about Rita Skeeter?" I asked her pointedly, and fixing her with a shrewd stare.

"Yes of course," Ellie said apologetically. "So, Miss Skeeter has been banned from publishing on the continent, do you feel this is a sufficient punishment?"

"Maybe the entire continent is a bit much," I offered respectfully. "But I do think a ban from publishing in any source that is made readily available the British Isles would have been perfectly acceptable. Though to be honest I think she should be working in a different field since she has such self-control issues."

"What are you feelings on the lack of criminal indictment," Ellie asked.

"I have mixed feelings," I admitted. "She did violate a law by being an unregistered animagus, but she has been heavily punished already. I think that stints in Azkaban should be reserved for harden criminals, and while Rita Skeeter did hurt people, she isn't a hardened criminal by any means."

"Is there anything else you would like to add about this ordeal?" Ellie asked, clearly in closing.

"I think there are many things that can be taken away from what happened here," I told her, locking her eye line and hoping she would understand that I was speaking directly to her. "But the most important thing that I think people should take away is that words can truly hurt a person. And words presented in the media as fact are extremely important because of how much influence they have, so the people writing those words need to be aware of the impact they have."

"Thank you Mrs. Snape," Ellie smiled. "I don't have any other questions for you."

I shook her hand, and then I exited the little room we had been sitting in to go wait for my husband in the lobby. As soon as he was done with his reporter, we would apparate out to Hogwarts. I was excited to get there both because that put us one day closer to the start of term, and because I really wanted to see what our chambers would be like. I had spent so much time worrying this summer that I would be forced to stay in chambers up by Gryffindor tower all by my lonesome that Severus had solicited Albus for a letter affirming that it would not be the case. Of course he laughed the whole time, much to my chagrin.

The letter had affirmed what Severus had been telling me since the wedding. As a married couple living and working at the castle it would be expected that we would live together, and no headmaster would ever ask us to live apart. It had also said that the chambers Severus had been residing in would be altered to accommodate the needed space. I had my fingers crossed for a kitchen.

"Are you ready to go my lady," his deep baritone broke through my day dreaming, and I turned to look at my dashing husband.

"Or course," I chuckled, standing to take his proffered arm. "It's time to move into our home away from home."

We walked out of the lobby for The Daily Prophet, and made our way as casually as possible into an alley so we could apparate away without drawing the attention of any passing muggles. I held onto his arm, and Severus turned us to the left and we disappeared with a pop. We reappeared at the gates, and I pulled my arm free of his with offering him a beaming smile.

"You know, we never did yoga this morning," I pointed out as I pulled a hair tie out of my pocket and started pulling my hair into a pony tail. "So how about I race you up to castle."

I didn't wait for him to answer, I just took off running. I peeked over my shoulder with a chuckle and saw that he was chasing after me. I had a head start, but I was fairly certain he would catch me before I even made it to the lake. I ran as fast as I could, but he still caught me. His closed his arms around me, and swung me up into his arms while both of us laughed.

"You probably shouldn't go out for the Olympics," he chuckled, as he took my hand, and we walked together toward the doors main entrance of the caste.

"Maybe not for sprinting," I laughed with him. "But I could be a real contender in marathon running. I can run five miles before I even begin to feel tired."

"I will never understand why you like running so much," he sighed with mock drama. "Personally I hate running unless I have to."

"You hate running, I hate jumping jacks," I laughed. "Tomato, Potato, or whatever that phrase is. I can never remember."

"Well I assure you it has nothing to do with potatoes," he assured me as he pushed the door open for me.

It was nice to be back at the castle, no matter how stressful the last year might have been. There was something about this place that would always feel like home to me, and stepping into the entrance hall was like being welcomed home.

I was even more excited to be standing in this entrance hall holding Severus's hand without having to worry about anyone seeing. And I was excited to go down into the dungeon chambers without sneaking, and to be going to chambers that were mine as well was even better. We went through the potions classroom, Severus placing his hand against the wall to reveal the doorway, and we stepping into the chambers.

"Yes!" I cheered the second I was inside.

There was a new doorway, and inside of it I could make out a stove. It would need further investigation, but that was definitely a kitchen.

"I may have pointed out how useful a kitchen could be," Severus said with a smile as he hugged me from behind. "Newlyweds can't be expected to share all of their meals with the entire student body after all."

"Thank you," I gushed. "Don't get me wrong, house elf food is delicious. But I would much rather eat your grilled chicken penne."

"Or your innumerable variations on the parfait," he chuckled, before twirling me around to face him. "What do you say we check out the other changes?"

I nodded, and followed him as he lead me further into the sitting room I was already familiar with. There was the door that went to the bed room, and the one that went to the bathroom. And just past the fire place there was another door. I quirked my eye at Severus and hurried forward to push that door open. It revealed a room that was unfurnished other than a small table sitting in the middle of the room with a note on it. I ran forward to pick up the note and see what it said.

 _I had a feeling the two of you might need more space, but I wasn't certain as to what you might like to use your space for. Thus an empty room for you to fill however you wish. My personal vote is for a walk-in closet, with so many socks that you will never have to wear a pair more than once for the rest of your long lives._

 _Albus_

I giggled as I handed the note to Severus to read and looked around the room. It had potential, thought it did need some sort of window. It could become and office, or a craft room, or even a potion room. There were plenty of options. I couldn't help but smile at Severus as I hugged him tightly and reveled in our little love nest.

 **Ch2:Song for this chapter: Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes**

 **SPOV**

My beautiful wife had that classic look of determination on her face, and I knew that Poppy was in for quite the morning. She had purchased a set of scrubs from one of the muggle hospitals in London, and she was wearing them instead of the heavy woolen dress and matching hat that Poppy had sent down for her. She was preparing to head up for her first day in the apprenticeship with the stuffy and outdated uniform in her arms. I could tell without even asking that she was preparing for an argument about feminism and gender roles with the old witch. I kissed her on the cheek and sent her on her way unsure of how I wanted the argument to turn out. One the one hand, I liked it when she got what she wanted, but on the other hand I actually liked seeing her in that maroon dress. Perhaps that was because it filled my mind with images of taking that matronly dress off of her.

I pushed though thoughts from my mind and gave her a chaste kiss before heading into my classroom to evaluate my potion stores. I had replenished much of the stores before the end of the school year, but I wanted to make sure that I had everything I needed, and that nothing was wilted or expired in anyway. I expected Hermione would update me later tonight as to the stock level of the potions in the hospital wing.

It appeared one of the house elves had been in to clean the storage cabinet when I was away. I always had mixed feelings about them cleaning in my highly organized cabinet. It was nice that they made sure the room didn't get dusty, but they had the nasty habit of rearranging things. They tended to put my ingredients in color order, which was visually appealing, but I preferred that everything be in alphabetical order. I would be able to find anything I needed when they were in color order, but the students, particularly third year and under would have some difficultly completing their tasks with such a system.

Maybe it was Hermione's influence, but I thought perhaps it was time to take it a bit easier on my students. They still needed to learn the art of potion making properly, but it might help them learn quicker if I was just a little bit more helpful. The first effort in being more helpful… that would be putting all of the ingredients back into alphabetical order. Besides, I could check how much I had of each while I moved them around.

It was easy to while away the entire day in the storage room, my mind mostly cleared of thoughts about the students returning tomorrow or what Hermione might be doing up in the hospital wind. I rearranged all of the different jars, and discovered that the few ingredients I did need would have to be ordered in anyway as they weren't indigenous to Europe. I took the time to write down my order, and send it off before returning to our chambers to begin making dinner for my beautiful wife. I was in the middle of chopping chicken into small pieces to sauté for a pasta when I heard Hermione come in through the potions classroom entrance.

"Honey I'm home," Hermione called with a giggle as she sauntered into the kitchen.

"I see you won the debate," I nodded, taking in that she was still wearing the pink and black scrubs she had purchased and not the matronly gown.

"Mmmm, yes," she said as she nuzzled her head into my robes and wrapped her arms around me. "I kept the other uniform though."

"Oh?" I questioned as I turned back to the task of preparing dinner.

"Yes, I noticed that you rather fancied it," she told me as she strutted out of the kitchen, and I struggled to focus on the task at hand. "I'm going to grab a shower before dinner. Today's lesson was surprisingly work intensive, and I'm all sweaty."

"I'll make you all sweaty," I muttered to myself as I threw the chicken and green peppers into the frying pan.

"What was that?" Hermione called from the other room, and over the sound of the shower turning on.

"Nothing sweetheart," I called back with a chuckle.

I couldn't help but picture her getting in the shower as I cooked the chicken. I dropped the pasta noodles into the boiling water while I fantasized about what she was doing in there. The end result was that I was plating a delicious dinner when Hermione exited the shower, but I was also nursing a bit of a situation that I would have to keep my teaching robes on to hide.

I took the two plates over to the breakfast nook and was just setting the plates on the table when Hermione came out with wet hair wrapped up in her silk robe. I stifled a groan and wondered if she was actually trying to torture me.

"Aren't you cold?" I asked her, embarrassed by the husky tone my voice had taken on.

"No," she offered enthusiastically. "I'm still flushed from the hot water. Besides, I'll get dressed in something a little warmer after dinner."

I took a seat, and she mirrored me. I picked up my fork to start eating, noticing that she was watching me with a coy smile on her face.

"Aren't you going to take off your teaching robes?" she asked as she twirled pasta around her fork.

"Later," I assured her with a smirk of my own, realizing that the saucy woman was indeed toying with me this evening.

We made small talk over the meal about what we had done all day, even through the sexual tension that was growing between us. I told her about my organizing, and she told me about learning bone healing techniques on a simulation dummy which apparently Poppy found amusing to make particularly active. I did my best to focus on her story of having to chase down the dummy to fix its broken finger in an effort to learn how to deal with feisty first years, but she kept licking her lips after each bite of dinner, so it was a struggle.

"Why don't I get things cleaned up," I suggested as she stood with her plate in hand. "And you can go get changed into something warmer."

She giggled at me and handed over the plate before trouncing out of the room. I was interested to see what her follow-up to the little show at dinner would be. I hurried to gather all of the dishes in the kitchen sink and cast a charm so they would wash and dry themselves. I closed the kitchen door on their gentle clinking of the dishes. I walked into the bedroom looking for Hermione, but it appeared she must be in the bathroom.

"Why don't you climb into bed Mr. Snape," she called from the bathroom. "I'll be in for your examination shortly."

My arousal spiked at the very idea of playing doctor and I peeled off my teaching robes and shoes, climbing into bed in my slacks and t-shirt. I pulled the blanket over me, and slipped into the role of the patient. Hermione appeared in the doorway, and I sucked in a breath at her appearance. She had altered the uniform quite a bit.

The maroon gown was no longer loose. Now it hugged all of her curves, and stopped at mid-thigh. She still wore the smock, shortening it as well, and she was wearing the little white hat in her now dry hair.

"Now Mr. Snape, I understand you were complaining of a fever," she said as she sauntered over to the side of the bed. "You think you might have the flu?"

I nodded my head, not tearing my eyes away from the tight bosom of her dress.

"I suppose I can find time in my busy schedule to take your temperature," she said with an air of annoyance that was circumvented by the smirk on her face.

She pulled the blanket off of me with a flourish, and her face fell with what I assumed was fake concern.

"Well no wonder you're feeling over heated Mr. Snape," she said with a cluck of her tongue. "You're wearing far too many clothes."

She set to work unbuckling my belt while I sat up so I could pull my t-shirt quick to comply with her assumption that I should remove my clothing. I tossed my shirt onto the floor and lifted my hips up when Hermione began to pull on my trousers. She pulled them and my boxers of in one swift motion and left me exposed beneath her on the bed when she dropping my clothing onto the floor.

"It seems I've forgotten my thermometer," she told me with a sigh. "But not to worry, I can use the old fashioned method of taking your temperature"

She pressed her lips against my forehead, and I remembered that mothers would often check the temperature of their child with their lips. Just when I was becoming annoyed with myself for thinking of a mother at a time like this, she pressed her lips against my throat and I forgot about every other woman except for her.

"Hermione," I groaned when she pressed her lips against my collarbone.

"That's very inappropriate Mr. Snape," she chided, pulling back so she could meet my eyes. "You should refer to me as Nurse or Madam Snape."

"Yes Ma'am," I agreed readily. "My apologies."

"Very well," she said, keeping the stern look in place on her face. "Now may I resume taking your temperature?"

I nodded my assent, and she kneeled on the edge of the bed so she could press her lips on my chest directly over my heart. I loved the feel of her lips on my skin, but I was awfully distracted by the way her skirt was riding up while she kneeled over me. I wanted to reach out and run my hand up her exposed leg, but I was rather certain that would lead to another scolding.

"You are rather over heated," she told me when she removed her lips from my chest. "Do you have any other symptoms?"

"Uhm," I said, trying to think of what she would want me to say. "I have been having some aches and pains."

"Where are you hurting?" she asked me, her face filling with just the right level of concern for a school nurse.

"My neck has been stiff," I lied. "And my abs are a little sore, from all of the coughing that is."

"Oh dear, we will have to do something about that," she clucked, and she shifted so all of her weight was on the bed, and she was straddling my thighs.

The fabric of her dress drug over my erection and I couldn't hold back a moan. She smirked at me before forcing a clinical expression back onto her face, and placing her hands on either side of my neck. She began to massage gentle circles into the skin of my neck, which did feel good. But what felt better was the way her body shifted above me, brushing the fabric of her dress back and forth on my sensitive skin.

"Does that feel better?" she asked me as she removed her hands from my neck.

"Yes," I told her, the huskiness of my voice revealing just how good I was feeling.

"Good," she smiled. "Now to work on those abs."

She settled down on my thighs as she put her hands on my stomach. I groaned and bucked against her when I realized that she wasn't wearing anything underneath her dress, and her warm wet flesh was pressed against my legs.

"Nurse," I ground out as I did my best to lay still beneath her. "You feel as if you may have a fever as well."

"Well yes Mr. Snape," she said breathily. "I think your fever may be contagious."

She scooted forward as she focused on massaging the skin that stretched between my hips, and whether consciously or unconsciously she was rubbing herself against my thighs. I put my hands on her thighs intending to push her dress up so I could see the way she was moving against my legs.

"Ah ah ah Mr. Snape," she said, slapping my hands away from her legs. "There should be a certain level of propriety between a healer and her patient. We mustn't cross those boundaries."

I growled at her, tempted to grab her by her hips and slam her down on my straining erection right this moment. Instead I shoved my hands into my hair and watched her move. Her hands were slowly moving further south, and she was driving me insane. Her breaths were growing more ragged, and I realized she was driving herself insane with the way she was rubbing against me.

"How are your aches and pains now Mr. Snape," she asked me huskily as her hands came to rest on the cutline of my hips.

"I'm feeling much better," I assured her in a deep voice. "I think I need a little exercise to break this fever though."

"That's very astute of you Mr. Snape," she whispered as she lifted her hips once more, and climbed sexily up my body. "I think a little exercise is exactly what you need."

She brought her hips down swiftly and brought us together in the way I had been craving all night. We both hissed at the sensation, and immediately began to rock together. I fisted the skirt of her dress in my hands pushing it up so I could see more of her as I thrust up into her.

"Oh God Hermione," I panted as she leaned down bringing her chest right into my face. "Would you be terribly angry if I tore your dress?"

"No Severus," she breathed in my ear, and she pulled her wand out of the pocket of her smock offering it to me as she continued to crash her hips into my mind.

I stilled beneath her so I could focus on using a severing charm to remove the dress without hurting her. I cut it right down the center, and when it swung open it reveal that she hadn't worn anything at all underneath. I dropped her wand onto the bedside table, and grabber her bare hips as I began to thrust up into her once more.

When we fell back into a rhythm I let my hands wander. I brushed my fingers over her scar, feeling the minute fluttering over her inner muscles at the sensation. Then I began to knead her breasts, watching enraptured as her head rolled back on her shoulders and a string of profanities fell from her lips.

"Mmm, Severus, harder," she groaned at me as she leaned forward to support her weight by putting her hands on my shoulders.

I gave her what she wanted, using her hips as leverage to get deeper thrusts. She started gasping with each thrust and I knew she was close to falling over the edge. She cried out loudly and slammed her hips against mine as she clenched around me. I tumbled over the edge with her calling out her name as I spilled my seed inside of her.

"I love you Hermione," I panted as I pulled her down to lay against my chest. "Or should I say Madam Snape."

"Hermione's fine," she breathed against my chest, holding herself tightly against me. "I love you too."

-`-'-

Hermione and I still found time to be together once the school year started, but it was more sporadic with how busy we were. She was working long hours in the hospital wing because of an unfortunate outbreak of dragon pox amongst the first years.

And then she had an unexpected string of days off when Hermione, suspecting she had come down with the dragon pox herself didn't leave bed much. Being a muggle born, she had never been exposed to the dragon pox, though she told me one night in the height of her fever about having chicken pox as a child. I'd never actually heard of chicken pox, and I was wondering if perhaps it was an illness she had imagined while delirious.

I nursed her back to health, only leaving her bedside to attend my lessons, and by the end of the first week of October she was as good as new. All of her pox had healed nicely, and she didn't have a single scar. Mostly because I had used a sticking spell to attach her mittens to her hands so she couldn't scratch herself. I would never say anything of course, but one of my favorite memories of Hermione was now the image of her with her hair matted down with sweat, wearing my night shirt, mittens attached to her hands, pouting at me as she rubbed her back against the doorframe of our bedroom whilst begging me to scratch it for her.

The first match of the quidditch season was approaching, and Hermione was excited to attend the match that would signify Ron's debut as a quidditch keeper. I was happy that she had been able to maintain a close relationship with Harry even with the barrier of her being a member of the school faculty now. but her relationship with Ron wasn't nearly as close anymore. I got the impression it had more to do with Hermione's refusal to really make up with his mother than anything that was wrong between the two of them.

I was doing my best to like Hermione's new friend, who visited us occasionally at the castle, but it was a struggle not to find Fleur a bit annoying. She was just so bubbly and giggly much like the students that I found so pedestrian in my classes, but I tried for Hermione. She came to see us on Halloween, and the girls spent a few hours laughing and talking in the sitting room about inconsequential things. I realized as Fleur was apparating home that Hermione like her just for that carefree attitude. Fleur appeared to be the only girl who Hermione tolerated conversation with unless it was of an academic nature.

"Do you dislike women?" I asked her as I picked through the bowl of candy on our coffee table.

"A bit I guess," she admitted, snatching the piece of candy corn I had taken out of my hand and popping it in her mouth. "They're all just so catty and obnoxious."

I nodded my head in amusement and sought out a new piece of candy.

"And to be honest Fleur can be a bit catty too," she admitted with a shrug of her shoulder. "But she's pretty self-confident, so she doesn't go on and on about other girls and all that."

"She seems very superficial," I pointed out as I bit into the liquorish whip I had pulled out. "Doesn't that bother you?"

"That's just on the surface," Hermione told me as she joined me on the couch and snuggled into my chest. "She's really more concerned with doing well at her studies. Well that and whether or not Bill is going to propose to her or not."

"So, they're serious then?" I asked, surprised that I cared.

"Yeah I think so," Hermione told me with a chuckle. "At least Fleur is madly in love with him. I haven't really asked Bill what his feelings are. She's been begging me to ask Ron though."

"Are you going to get involved?" I wondered.

"I don't know," she answered plainly. "If it were Sirius, and he wanted you to ask one of your other friends if they were in love with him… would you do it?"

"I doubt Sirius would ask me that," I chuckled. "For one, he's a guy. And for another thing Sirius isn't even interested in anyone. If he is in love with anything, it's his own freedom."

"That's not the point," she laughed playfully slapping my thigh before she nuzzled further under my arm.

"I probably will ask Ron through. Fleur is going crazy over the whole thing after all."

"I love you, you silly woman," I chuckled, peppering her hair with kisses.

"I love you too Severus." She sighed into my chest.

 **Ch3: Songs for this chapter: Don't Let Me Fall by Lenka and Capri by Colbie Caillat**

 **HPOV**

November dawned cold and dreary, and the weather was starting to get to me. I seemed to be forgetting everything. I slept in on a

Saturday that as far as I could remember had no special significance only to be shaken awake shortly before ten by an already dressed Severus. He was wearing his cloak and a green and silver tie with a snake embroidered on to the bottom. Why was he so very dressed?

"You do still want to go to the match don't you?" he asked me when I sat up in bed rubbing my eyes blearily.

"What match," I asked him stretching languidly, not quite ready to climb out of the nice warm bed.

"The Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff quidditch match," he said, his brow climbing up toward his hair line. "The one you've been excited about for weeks now."

"Oh yeah," I said, slapping my head against my forehead. "I completely forgot. I just need a minute to get dressed."

I jumped out of bed, and almost toppled over. I righted myself and stood still waiting for the lightheadedness to pass, and then I hurried into the bathroom. I splashed some water on my face to wake myself up, and brushed away my morning breath before I went back into the bedroom to get dressed. I saw that Severus had pulled out my favorite pair of jeans and a warm charcoal colored sweater for me and I gave him a beaming smile before pealing of my pajamas and puling on the clothes.

I rummaged through our armoire and found a pair of woolen socks to pull on as well as my maroon and gold striped scarf. I hurriedly fastened on my cloak and then wrapped my scarf around my throat. I couldn't find my gloves, so I wove my arm through Severus's and buried my hands in the pockets of my cloak. Severus and I made our way out to the quidditch pitch along with the crowd of students that were making their way to the match as well.

For the first time in my few years of attending matches here at the school, I made my way into the group of seats that was reserved for the faculty as well as the match announcer. I saw that it was Lee Jordan again this year as I took my seat beside Severus, with Minerva on my left. I joked with Severus about how watching a sporting even didn't quite count as our morning workout until the match actually began.

I clapped enthusiastically when the Gryffindor team flew out onto the pitch, and I couldn't help but smirk when I saw Severus forcing himself to clap when he clearly didn't care for the Gryffindor team. I nudged his shoulder with a chuckle as the Hufflepuff team flew onto the field and we offered some polite applause.

I really tried to focus on the match, but my mind kept wandering. One minute I was watching Ron attempt to stop a quaffle from going into the golden rings, and the nest I was mentally tabulating what potions needed to be replenished in the hospital wing. Or I was watching Ginny make a brilliant pass, but then suddenly I was wondering if I would learn the charm for mending cuts and abrasions soon.

"You're missing the match," Severus whispered in to my ear, and I realized I was staring off in the opposite direction of the match. "Do you want to leave?"

"No, no, I want to watch the match," I assured him, swiveling in my seat to watch the action. "I guess I'm just easily distracted today or something."

He seemed concerned, but he didn't say anything. He just wrapped his arm around my shoulder and turned his attention back to the match. My focus didn't get much better, but his shoulder shifted subtly when he turned to follow the match so I knew which way I should be facing when my mind began to wonder again.

I got lost in a day dream about what I'd like to do to Severus after the match, but I was pulled back into the present when I realized that the crowd of Slytherin students in a nearby stand where singing a rude and inappropriate song about Ron. I snapped my around to look at Severus, and saw that he was chuckling to himself.

"That's not funny," I snipped. "It's hurtful, and they shouldn't be doing that."

"I'm sorry," he said sobering up when he saw how angry I was about this. "I can talk to them about it."

"And give out detentions to boot," I scathed when the jeering got particularly bad as Harry caught the snitch.

I actually stood up out of my seat feeling a particular rush of anger when I heard the song turn to insults about the Weasley family as well as Lily Potter. I clenched my fists at my sides so I wouldn't go off at any of the students in an unbecoming way, but I turned to look at Severus with my anger clearly showing in my eyes.

In the time it took for me to look at my husband and tried to find some way to school my features an all-out fight had broken out over the song that had been sung. Out of protective habit Severus pulled me behind him and out of the way as the a few teachers hurried down onto the pitch to break up the fight. I looked over the railing and saw that Harry, Fred, and George were fighting with some of the Slytherin students. I watched Minerva and Filius hurry to break up the fight by magically moving the two parties away from each other, and for some inexplicable reason I almost burst into tears over the whole thing.

"Why are your students so mean?" I asked Severus as I hurried out of the quidditch stands pulling him along behind me.

"Why are your students so aggressive?" he countered and I realized I had hit a nerve.

"Sorry, I know you aren't in control of all of their behavior," I said quietly, stopping so I could turn to face him. "I just get so frustrated with that behavior sometimes."

"It's fine," he sighed as he hustled me forward so we wouldn't be blocking the path out of the stands. "Everything is just a little off today isn't it?"

I nodded, and let him lead me back to the castle. I would have liked to have gone back to our chambers and curled up in front of the fire with him, but a fight had broken out, so I made my way up to the hospital wing. There was a chance that I might get to heal a broken nose or something, so I was going to take it.

I bustled onto the wing and all of the quidditch players affected by the fight were already in the wing seated on separate beds being glowered at by an unhappy Poppy. It looked like nothing more would be needed that a little essence of murtlap and a bruise paste, but I hurried to get supplies and help Poppy out.

She lectured the students on violence while I dabbed murtlap onto George's knuckles and bruise paste on Goyle's eye. It was quick work healing everyone up, but it was nice to feel like I was really doing something to help out instead of just studying each day. I cleaned up my supplies and bid Poppy goodbye. She nodded to me and waved without breaking stride in her lecture about safety.

-`-'-

I noticed over the next few days of working with Poppy in the hospital wing that my forgetfulness and difficulty concentration was still hanging around. I forgot a list of potions she gave me to have Severus brew, and when she asked me a couple days later how the progress was coming I reached into my pocket to fish out the list, only then realizing I never actually gave it to him.

"I'm so sorry Poppy," I told her as I held the list in my hand. "I completely forgot. I will run it down to him right now."

"That's unlike you Hermione," she said with a frown, but she nodded her approval for me to run down to give it to Severus.

I jogged through the halls, making my way down to the dungeon where I knew Severus would be. It was his free period, but he was likely to still be in the classroom grading papers. I hit the entrance hall when suddenly I couldn't run anymore. Normally I could run for miles, but today just the few flights I had taken to get down to the entrance hall had really taken it out of me.

I slowed to a walk and sucked in deep breaths trying to get more air as I took the stairs that lead down into the dungeon corridor. I pushed open the door to the potions classroom, and sucked in my breath and held it so I wouldn't have the added embarrassment of showing up in my husband's crowded classroom whilst panting. Apparently I hadn't remembered his schedule correctly after all because he had his sixth year potions class with him.

I ignored the students that turned to stare at me, and made my way to the front of the classroom where Severus was standing by his desk. I got the distinct impression that he had been in the middle of a lecture, but it was too late to turn back now. So I stepped right in front of him, and extended my hand out to deliver the list.

"Sorry to interrupt your lesson," I said quietly, both so the students wouldn't hear, and because I was still breathless. "I was supposed to give this too you the other day, but I forgot."

He took the list, and I didn't wait for him to respond, I just turned on my heel and walked right back out of the classroom. As soon as the door was closed I took a minute to lean against the wall and took slow calming breathes until I wasn't panting like the out of shape girl that I used to be. What was my deal? I shook my head and made my way back up to the hospital wing to finish out the day, and my lesson about properly diagnosing students who were dishonest about how they ended up on the wing to begin with.

-`-'-

Severus had to supervise a detention, but I had plans to seduce him when he came back to our chambers. I dabbed some sleek easy through my hair to smooth the curls out of it, and put a little blush on my cheeks since I had been looking a little peaky all day. I changed out of my scrubs and put on the pink nightie I had bought just for tonight. It had matching boy shorts, and hugged my curves in all the ways I knew would drive Severus wild.

I put candles all around the bedroom, and lit them so there was romantic lighting. I opened a bottle of wine and poured to glasses that I had waiting on the bedside table. Everything was perfect; I just had to wait for Severus. So I climbed into bed and tried to arrange myself into just the right position for when I came in. I tried several different positions, but I eventually settled for lying partway on my stomach with my legs stretched out toward the doorway so they caught the light.

I managed to maintain that position for a while as I waited, but apparently I eventually fell asleep. At least that was what must be what had happened, because one minute I was waiting for Severus, and the next I was waking up to him moving me under the blankets. I looked around the dimly lit room, and I saw that he had blown out all of the candles, and taken the wine glasses away. He was wearing a pair of cotton pajama pants and was climbing into bed with me.

"Wait," I cried stifling a yawn. "I was going to seduce you."

"You're tired baby," he soothed me, coaxing me to lay back down as he pulled the blankets up to my shoulders and snuggled in beside me. "You can seduce me tomorrow, I promise."

"Okay," I sighed, snuggling into his chest. "I didn't mean to be so tired."

"I'm tired too," he chuckled into my hair.

He held me tight, and I drifted off to sleep in his arms. Tonight I would just have to dream about my delectable husband.

-`-'-

I woke up before Severus the next morning and slid out of bed to go freshen up. I splashed extra water on my face groaning at the headache I felt building behind my eyes. I still felt incredibly tired, and now I had a headache to boot. I held the back of my head checking if I had a temperature or not, but I didn't seem to have a fever. If I wasn't feeling better in a few hours I would have Poppy run a diagnostic.

I decided to take a quick shower since I had fallen asleep with sleek easy in my hair. I stood under the hot shower spray, attempting to will my headache away when the shower curtain was pulled back and a very naked Severus climbed in behind me. He pulled me into his embrace, and I nearly toppled right out of the shower when I was hit with a wave of dizziness.

"Woah, I guess I ran the water to hot," I stuttered trying to write myself in his arms and turn the shower nozzle to cool down the water.

"Hermione are you feeling alright?" he asked me, his voice laced with concern.

"Yeah," I assured him, turning to face him and pull his face into my hands. "I've just been feeling a little run down lately. I've been stressing over the practical exam Poppy is giving me next week."

"I'm sure you'll pass with flying colors," he assured me as he reached for the shampoo and began to lather it into my hair. "I'll make us a hearty dinner tonight, to help with your energy."

"Thanks," I sighed focusing on the feeling of his fingers rubbing over my scalp hoping it would make my headache go away.

Severus directed my head into the shower spray so he could rinse my hair. His hands followed the trail of soap suds as the cascaded down my body, and when his hands brushed over my breasts I winced. They were sore today. Though I suppose that explained the headache, I must be starting my cycle.

"Tender?" he asked me removing his hand immediately.

"It must be that time," I sighed as I started to lather shampoo into his hair.

"Oh good," he sighed, seemingly to himself as he let his eyes drift closed to enjoy my ministrations. "I was wondering about that."

I laughed at that, and didn't think much more about it. We wrapped up our shower without any funny business and dressed for the day. Once I had my scrubs on I pulled my hair into a ponytail, and grabbed a panty liner. I slid it into the pocket of my scrubs in case I needed it later today. Once I was ready to go I took Severus's hand and we walked up to the great hall to grab some breakfast.

I ate some sausage links, and when Severus looked like he was going to say something about needing food to keep my strength up I scooped up a helping of eggs and poured myself a glass of pumpkin juice. I wasn't really hungry but I didn't want him to worry about me.

I gave his hand a squeeze so the students wouldn't notice a display of affection, and then I made my way out of the great hall and started walking up to the hospital wing. I rubbed at my chest idly; feeling chagrinned that apparently the sausage had given me heart burn. I just couldn't seem to win today. I tried to stifle my annoyance, and put a smile on my face as I pushed open the massive doors and made my way into the hospital wing.

Poppy was waiting for me in her office, and I started to walk over to meet her. I made it about half way when I was hit with another dizzy spell, but this one was much worse than the one in the shower this morning. I reached out for the nearest bed rail to try and steady myself but before I knew it the floor was rushing up to meet my face.

.

When I came to I was laying in one of the beds and Poppy was waving her wand above me, doing a diagnostic spell. I reached up to rub my face groaning when I felt that my cheek was swollen where I had hit it on the floor.

"Don't worry, I'm going to heal that," Poppy told me quietly, seeming to know instinctively that I had a headache. "I just wanted to check your vision before I messed around with anything so close to your eye."

"I can see just fine," I assured her.

"I'd like to test it all the same," she smiled at me. "Follow my finger please."

She moved her finger back and forth in front of my face. I followed her finger wherever she moved it without issue, so she pointed her wand at my face, and I felt a cool tingling as the swelling went down, and my headache went away.

"That's the spell that mends a hairline fracture," she told me as she pressed on my cheek bone testing for a pain reaction. "I'll teach you the wand movements later."

I nodded my head eagerly, and then regretted it when I felt dizzy once more.

"What is going on with me," I asked, pressing my hands against my head as waited for the spell to pass.

"I think I know the answer, but I have a few questions for you first," she said as she sat down on the foot of the bed.

I nodded that I was ready for her to ask away.

"Do you have any other symptoms," she asked me. "Anything out of the ordinary lately."

"Uhm, I've been tired lately, and I've had headaches," I admitted. "And actually I've been really forgetful, though I'm sure you noticed that."

"Hermione, when was your last cycle?" she asked me delicately.

"Oh, it can't be that," I assured her. "I'm on birth control, so that isn't a possibility."

"Birth control is effective 99% of the time," Poppy agreed quietly. "But on the off chance that you are the 1%, when was your last cycle?"

I thought about it, and with a sinking feeling in my stomach I realized that I should have had my last cycle almost three weeks ago. How hadn't I noticed that I was so late? My heart skipped a beat when I realized that Severus had noticed I was that late. What was it he had said in the shower this morning.

"Oh good, I was wondering about that."

So he had noticed my cycle was late, but he was relieved that I was starting today. What was I supposed to tell him now? Sorry false alarm, looks like you're stuck with a baby that you didn't want?

"Uhh," I stuttered at Poppy. "Apparently I am three weeks late and I didn't notice. My breasts have been tender all day, so I just assumed I was about to start."

"Well, we should do a test to be sure, but I think you're pregnant Hermione," the matron said quietly before taking a little white stick out of the pocket of her smock and handing it to me. "Do you need me to walk you to the bathroom?"

"No," I told her as I sat up and swung my feet out of bed. "I think I'll be alright."

"Maybe not," Poppy offered with a nervous chuckle when I almost fell onto my face getting out of bed.

She held my arm as we walked over to the bathroom. She made sure I was fine in there by myself and then she left the room and closed the door behind her. I stared at the little stick for a long time, but I eventually did pee on it and then set it on the lip of the sink while I waited for the result.

"Please be negative, please be negative, please be negative," I chanted while I watched the stick.

Much to my horror the result did appear, and it confirmed what Poppy had been saying. There was a little pink plus sign informing me that I was in fact with child. I closed the lid on the toilet, and took a seat before bursting into tears. Poppy heard me crying and came bustling back into the room. She stopped by the sink to check the result, and then she came over and patted my shoulder reassuringly.

"It's not so bad Hermione," she soothed. "Maybe you two weren't planning on it, but I'm sure Severus will be very excited that you're having a baby."

"He won't," I sobbed. "He was practically over the moon today when I told him I was starting my period. We've only been married or three and a half months."

"Shh," she hushed me as I grew more hysterical. "Everything is going to be okay. You just need some time for it all to sink in."

I fought to get my tears under control while she continued to rub my shoulder. It took a few minutes but I did eventually slow them to occasional sniffles. I pulled some toilet paper off of the roll and mopped up my face while Poppy waited for me to get it together.

"Well what do I do now?" I croaked at her.

"Well we need to get you started on prenatal vitamins," she told me as she slipped into business mode. "And you should take it easy for the next few days, or at least until the dizzy spells pass. I want you to take the rest of the week off."

"But the practical exam is on Monday," I interrupted.

"We'll push it back until the week after," she shushed me. "There's plenty of time or that. Instead on Monday I want you to come up here, and we'll do your first examination. It's too early to see the baby, but you and Severus could hear the heartbeat on Monday."

I bit my lips against the threat of another round of tears and just nodded my head.

"Don't cry, it's going to be fine," she smiled. "Better than fine actually. You're having a baby Hermione!"

I nodded again, unable to muster the same excitement she was feeling.

"If you're up for the walk you can go back to your chambers to rest," she told me as she scooped the pregnancy test up off of the sink and tossed it into the trash. "Otherwise you can stay here and I'll put up partitions around one of the beds for you."

"I'll go back to my chambers," I told her as I tossed the soggy tissue into the trash on top of the test. "I'd much rather be in my own bed right now. Thank you for being so understanding Poppy."

She waved me off dismissively, but watched me closely as I stood from my seat on the edge of the toilet. When I didn't swoon she gave me a sharp nod and left the bathroom. I took a moment to wash my now puffy face, and then I made my way out of the bathroom. Poppy was waiting there with a bottle of vitamins which I took from her with a quick thanks. I walked on wooden legs down to the dungeons. Severus was in class right now, so I went further down the corridor to go through the secret passage that entered the sitting room from the other side.

I hurried into the bathroom, and hid the bottle of vitamins in the cupboard under the sink behind my sanitary napkins. I went back out into the living room and as much as I wanted to pace back and forth to soothe my nerves I was tired, so I took a seat on the settee. I massaged my temples while I tried to think about how I was going to tell Severus.

I sat thinking for a long time, but no answer came. I needed advice, and without being able to call up my mom and ask her, I wasn't sure who to go to. For a moment I actually considered Molly Weasley, but then I pictured her calling me all sorts of names for an unplanned pregnancy and I thought better of it. It dawned on me that the only female person I could reasonably ask for advice was Fleur, and I walked over to the fireplace, quickly igniting a fire in the grate. I opened the leather box we kept on the mantle, and pulled a pinch of floo powder out, tossing it into the fire.

I kneeled down on the floor, and stuck my head into the fireplace, saying Gringotts business suites. I felt the swooping sensation of my head flying off to a different location, and fought the urge to vomit. My head appeared in the fireplace near the desk of the receptionist, which lucky for me was Fleur herself.

"Ermione!" she cheered when she saw my head appear, but then her brows shot up when she seemed to really see me. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "Any chance you can take an early lunch?"

"Surely," she assured me. "Let me talk to Margèry about covering for me, and I will apparate out to zee school."

"Thanks Fleur," I said, and then I pulled my head back out of the fire, and went to sit on the couch once more.

It didn't take more than a few minutes before I heard Fleur knocking out in the corridor. I stood to let her into the room, and lead her back into the sitting room with say anything. I sat on the couch, and she sat on the chair facing me.

"Why 'ave you been crying?" she asked me as soon as we were both seated.

"I'm just so overwhelmed," I gushed at her, the tears spring forth once more almost instantaneously. "I need some advice."

"Tell me what is 'appening," she prodded, as she pulled a packet of tissues out of the pocket inside her cloak and handed them to me.

"I'm pregnant," I sobbed at her. "And I don't know how to tell my husband."

"Do you want to be pregnant 'Ermione?" she asked me hesitantly.

"I didn't expect it," I coughed. "But I want to have it, if that's what you're asking me."

"Okay zat is good," she said with a beaming smile. "Are you afraid Severus will not want zee baby?"

"Yes," I sobbed. "We're newly married, and we've never talked about kids, and he seemed relieved when he though I got my period today. What if he doesn't want me to have the baby?"

"I think that he will want zee baby," she tried to assure me. "He is so in love with you. A baby is just another part of you."

"I don't know how to tell him," I sniffed, dabbing at my tears. "And what is with all of this crying?"

"Zee hormones," she chuckled. "I 'ear it gets better."

"I hope so," I sighed, rubbing my eyes in frustration. "I've already cried more today than I care to admit."

"Well no more tears," Fleur said hoping up from her seat. "If you are going to surprise zee father with zee news tonight we need to spruce you up."

"What?" I said dumbly.

"I 'ave zee plan." She cheered clapping her hands. "We will dress you up, and you can tell him over a nice bouillabaisse."

"Severus doesn't like bouillabaisse," I interjected.

"Okay, Boudin blanc," she sighed.

"That will probably give me heartburn," I pouted.

"Ratatouille then," she huffed.

"That sounds great," I smiled. "Can you help me though? I have no idea how to make that."

"Of course," she assured me. "You go 'ave a shower, and I will go to your kitchens for ingredients."

I gave her quick instructions on how to find the kitchen as well as how to get in, and then I went to take another shower. I ran the water a little cooler, both hoping to avoid another dizzy spell, and hoping that some of the swelling around my eyes would go down from all of the crying.

By the time I clamored out of the shower and wrapped up in a towel, Fleur was once again in my chambers, and it sounded like she was banging around in the kitchen. I snuck over to the kitchen and peaked in to see what she was doing. She was slicing up vegetables and tossing them putting them into a casserole dish until she saw me in the doorway.

"You'll catch your death like zat," she chided me before setting her utensils down on the counter, and brushed her hands off on my apron that was tied around her waist. "Let's find you somezing nice to wear."

I lead her into my bedroom, and she immediately started rummaging through the armoire looking for something she deemed to be nice. In the end she pulled out my greenish blue sleeveless jumper dress, and handed it to me.

"You go put zis on," she instructed me. "And zen we will deal with zat sloppy wet hair."

I chuckled at her, and dug through the armoire for some under garments before making my way back into the bathroom to change. I used my towel to wrap my hair up so it wouldn't drip all over my clothes. I got dressed taking a moment to really look at my body before I pulled on my clothes. My breasts looked quite a bit bigger, and there was a subtle swell at the base of my abdomen. Now that I knew what it was, I was surprised I hadn't noticed a change sooner. I pulled on the dress, and I was relieved to see that it hid the changes in my body fairly well. Fleur had chosen well.

Once I was clothed I poked my head out of the bathroom and saw that Fleur was patiently waiting for me by the fireplace. As soon as she saw that I was dressed she bustled into the bathroom, and gentle unwound the towel from my head. She cast a drying spell on my hair before picking my brush up off of the counter.

"You 'ave such beautiful curls," she told me. "Why do you always straighten zem?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I just like my hair straight sometimes I guess."

"Well tonight curls," she said firmly, and I nodded my agreement.

I would agree to just about anything Fleur suggested today. She felt like the only lifeline in this sea I was drowning in today. So I let her brush my hair, and arrange it however she wanted. It didn't take her very long to be pleased.

"You don't need any makeup," she told me as she looked over my shoulder to see my face in the mirror. "You already 'ave zee glow in your cheeks."

I smiled at her, actually happy to see this subtle pink in my cheeks that she was talking about. I leaned forward to look at my face a little closer in the mirror. The redness in my eyes was almost completely faded, and my cheeks did look rosy even if the rest of my complexion was a bit pale today.

"How can I help with dinner?" I asked her as I looked away from the mirror.

"Absolutely not," she chided me. "You sit on zee couch and rest; it's good for zee baby."

I shook my head, but I did as she said. I was actually feeling pretty tired still. I snuggled into the couch, being careful not to wrinkle my dress or muss up my hair. For a while I listened to Fleur moving around in the kitchen, but I eventually I drifted off to sleep right there in the living room. I don't know how much later it was when Fleur starting shaking me awake.

"I 'ave to get back to the office to close up," she told me. "Zee ratatouille is in zee oven so it will stay warm. Severus will be back very soon. Put on shoes."

"Thank you for all your help Fleur," I said as I wiped the sleep from my eyes and pulled myself up off of the couch.

"It was no'zing," she waved me off. "I want juicy details later. You give me a floo call."

"Of course," I assured her with a chuckle, she really was a total girl. "Thanks again."

She gave me a dismissive wave and walked over to the door leading out of the sitting room.

"Put on shoes," she demanded with a laugh, and then she disappeared.

She was right of course; I did look ridiculous without shoes on. I went into the bedroom and found my most comfortable black flats and pulled them on. Once I had shoes on I got to work setting the table for dinner. I transfigured on our cloth napkins into a full sized table cloth and put it on the table before I set out plates and silverware. I put a single candle stick in the middle of the table, and got to glasses which I filled with the sparkling cider Fleur had left on the counter in the kitchen. I was just lighting the candle in the middle of the table when Severus came through door that lead into his classroom.

"Did you make dinner?" he asked me, clearly smelling the delicious aroma wafting out of the kitchen, then he turned to really look at me. "Wow you look really nice."

"Thank you," I stuttered my nerves getting the better of me the second I saw him. "I uh… I'll get dinner out of the oven. You can sit, if you want I mean."

"Are you okay?" he asked me as he made his way over toward me.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I said, stepping closer to the kitchen door, to put some distance between us before I lost my nerve all together. "Sit. Have some cider. I'll be back in a minute."

I hurried into the kitchen before he could say anything, and leaned against the closed door taking deep breaths to calm myself down before I attempted to take dinner out of the oven. I walked over to pull open the oven, and I saw that Fleur had really out done herself, it looked amazing. I reached in absent mindedly to grab the pain, and gasped pulling my hand back when I burned the tips of my fingers.

"Stupid, stupid," I groaned hurrying over to run my hand under cold water.

"Is everything alright in there?" Severus called from outside the door.

"Everything's fine," I called back, turning off the sink and gingerly drying my burnt fingers off.

I grabbed a pot holder off of the shelf and made a second attempt at pulling dinner out of the oven. This time I managed it without causing bodily harm. I hurried out to the breakfast nook where Severus was waiting and set the dish on the pot holder that was already waiting for the dish to be placed on it.

"You made ratatouille?" he asked me with a smirk as I took my seat.

"Not exactly," I hedged as I nervously straightened the skirt of my dress. "I had help."

"Well it looks delicious," he said as he began dishing it up for the both of us. "What's the special occasion?"

"I uh… have something to tell you," I stammered, hoping my resolve wasn't about to abandon me again.

"What is it?" he asked me quietly, watching my face as he put down the serving spoon.

"Maybe we should eat first," I suggested. "I wouldn't want dinner to get cold."

"Ok," he agreed easily, and we began tucking into our meal.

I managed to get down one bite before I was fighting the urge to through up. Normally I loved ratatouille, but today it reeked of garlic and it was making my stomach turn. I drank down my entire glass of sparkling cider as I took deep cleansing breaths trying not to get sick.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" Severus asked me as I poured myself another glass of sparkling cider.

"I'm not sure," I admitted, staring at my dinner plate, afraid to make eye contact with him.

"What is it Hermione," he asked me sounding concerned once again.

"I'm pregnant," I whispered in a rush.

There were a few beats of silence, and I chanced a quick look up to see how he was taking it. He was frozen in pace watching me, but his face seemed soft. He didn't seem angry at least. I drew a shaky breath and forced myself to make prolonged eye contact with him.

"A baby?" he asked me quietly, and I was surprised to see his eyes were sparkling. "We're having a baby?"

"You aren't mad at me?" I asked him quietly, feeling my shoulders drop in relief.

"How could I be mad at you?" he asked.

"You seemed relieved when I thought I was starting my cycle this morning," I pointed out cautiously.

"I did?" he asked, looking confused.

"You said 'oh good, I was wondering about that,' when I said it," I pointed out.

"Well I was wondering, but I didn't mean anything by that," he assured me, his eyes gleaming more as what appeared to be tears built up in them.

"You promise you aren't mad?" I asked, needing further assurance.

"You're having my baby," he said, and he said it so reverently that the last of my fears bleed away. "I'm going to be a father. How could I ever be made about something like that?"

"We're having a baby!" I gushed, finally allowing myself to be happy about it now that I knew he was as well.

He jumped up from his seat, and came around the table pulling me up into his arms and spinning me around. I clung tightly to him even after he set my feet back on the ground.

"I love you," I murmured into his chest.

"I love you," he told me, holding me out at an arm's length before he dropped down on his knees and leaned his head against my abdomen. "And I love you too little baby."

"You are adorable when you are talking to my stomach," I said with a laugh, running my fingers through hair as he hugged me gently around the waist.

"Well I intend to spend a lot of time talking to your stomach over the course of the next nine months," he assured me as he climbed back to his feet. "Are you still hungry?"

"Yes," I admitted. "But not for that. That smells like death."

"I'll get rid of it," he told me quickly and scooped the meal up off the table and hurried it out of the room.

He came back, and took our plates away as well, mostly ridding the room of the garlicy smell. I cast a charm to remove the rest of the smell before sitting back down at the table and sipping some more of my sparkling cider. Severus stayed in the kitchen for a while, but when he came back he had a turkey sandwich on a plate, and he offered it to me with a smile.

"Thank you," I said with a huge smile before tearing in to the sandwich.

It was so good. It was possibly the best sandwich I had ever eaten. I shoveled it down at a very ungraceful speed while Severus watched on with a smile on his face. I wiped my face delicately with a napkin after I finished, and then Severus offered me his hand. I took it and he pulled me up into his arms once more and began to slowly dance around the living room with me. He hummed a song I didn't recognize in my ear as we danced slowly in front of the fire.

"I love you so much Hermione," he whispered into my hair.

"I love you too," I answered looking up to see his face.

"We're having a baby," he said again, a single tear trickling from his eye. "I never even dared to hope for a child Hermione."

"I'm so glad I can give you a baby," I told him squeezing him tightly.

"Giving us a baby," he whispered into my hair as he wrapped his arms tightly around my shoulders. "You're going to be a wonderful mother."

"I certainly hope I'm better at being a mother than I am at figuring out that I'm pregnant," I chuckled lightly into his robes. "We'll find out for sure, but I think I'm already about five weeks along, and I had no idea."

"I didn't either, I thought you were coming down with another of the bugs that is going around with the student body," he said, and I got the impression he was just trying to make me feel better. "But now we know."

"Yes we do," I smiled. "And I'm very excited about it, but do you think maybe we could go to bed now?"

"Of course," he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. "It's been an eventful day."

We blew out the candle on the table, and turned out the lamps in the sitting room. Once in the bedroom I pulled off my dress, and bra before sliding into the night shirt I had taken from Severus so many months ago. When I turned to climb into the bed I saw that Severus had been watching me change, that reverent look back on his face gain. I gave him a quick smile, and he finished stripping down to his boxers before climbing in to bed with me.

"You are so beautiful," he told me as he pulled me flush against his body.

"Thank you," I whispered into the sudden darkness as he silently extinguished the lamps in our bedroom.

I pressed my back tightly against his chest as he curled around me. I wrapped my arms around my barely pregnant stomach, and he wrapped his arms around me. It was a perfect moment laying there together in the darkness, cradling our tiny baby in the only way we could. I drifted to sleep peacefully, finally relieved after such a stressful day.

 _I claim no actual medical knowledge, so there is every chance that the medical part of this chapter is incorrect. If that is the case I apologize._

 **Ch4: Songs for this chapter: Capri by Colbie Caillat (again :P) and Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles**

 **HPOV**

I spent essentially my entire week off in bed. I was tired, and achy, and other than getting up to have meals with Severus the only time I got out of bed was to vomit. It seemed discovering that I was in fact pregnant was the catalyst for morning sickness. As I lay in bed, bundled up in the blankets hiding from the smell of the fish Severus had been cooking in the kitchen I wondered why it was called morning sickness. I had been sick, every night, like clockwork at five o'clock I got sick once more.

"How do potatoes sound instead?" Severus called through the door that I had barricaded against the god awful smell.

"They sound wonderful," I called out from under the blankets. "You're a saint."

"Hardly," he chuckled as he moved away from the door, and for a second I thought I was going to cry.

Why did he always say stuff like that? Subtly degrading himself for past choices. He was a great man. I pressed against my eyes, taking deep breaths trying to keep myself from bursting into a ridiculous bought of tears.

I made it half way through the dinner of mashed potatoes and a beef broth with vegetables before I was running for the bathroom again. Severus held my hair back, and rubbed my back while I got sick yet again. I huddled over the toilet when I wasn't sure if I was done or not, panting and feeling pretty darn frustrated that I kept getting sick.

"I hate this," I groaned as I reached up to flush the toilet.

"Just think about the end result," he prodded, rubbing my lower back. "Right now you're sick and miserable, but in the end you get a baby."

"I think the baby is made entirely of vomit," I sighed, hoisting myself up of the floor, and going to the sink to brush my teeth.

"Well, if it is, we'll find out in the morning," he laughed, but stopped immediately when I turned to glare at him.

-`-'-

When morning came, I drug my tired body out of bed and dressed in my scrubs so I could work after our appointment with Poppy. Severus was waiting for me in the breakfast nook with ginger tea, and a spinach and egg white omelet. I sat down with a smile and began to devour the delicious breakfast.

"You sir, are the best husband ever," I moaned after swallowing another bite of my breakfast.

I thought I saw him shudder, but he didn't say anything so I didn't react to it. He stood at the table, his hands grasping the back of his chair watching me eat, and I wondered if he had eaten already, or if he wasn't hungry. He held onto the back of his usual seat, and watched me eat my breakfast.

"Are you excited?" I asked him a smile creeping on to my face. "I'm excited."

"I am excited," he beamed at me. "I want to hear the heartbeat more than I should probably admit. I do have a reputation as the dungeon bat to uphold after all."

"I think that reputation might be shot," I smirked at him. "Or did you notice that you're wearing a green button down shirt this morning. Even the collar buttons are undone. The bat has left the building."

"Well you like the green," he shrugged. "Maybe I will dole out some more detentions to get my rep. back."

"Oh Severus," I chided playfully as I picked up my empty breakfast plate and made my way into the kitchen. "Who cares about reputations anymore?"

"You're right, it's character that matters," he said as he followed me into the kitchen. "And as a matter of character, I think we should make a trip up to see Albus after our appointment."

"I hadn't thought about that," I sighed as I walked over and took his hand in mine. "It's probably important to tell my boss that I will eventually be on maternity leave."

Severus nodded with a smile.

"Well, actually maybe I won't need leave," I mused as we left our chambers and made our way up to the hospital wing. "I mean I should be due during summer."

"Still, we should tell him," Severus said as he instinctively slid me behind him to allow a group of students to pass him on the stairs. "In case you need time when you aren't feeling well, or something along those lines."

I nodded in agreement and followed Severus into the hospital wing. I could see where Poppy had already set up partitions around a bed at the end of the ward, so it wasn't hard to tell where the appointment would be taking place.

"Good morning you too," Poppy said as she came out from behind the partitions. "Today's visit will be a little unorthodox, because I want to make sure teach Hermione all the practices I will be using today."

"That sounds great," I gushed, excited by the prospect of learning prenatal medicine, even if I was unlikely to use it much here at the school.

"Why don't you step behind the curtain and change into one of the gowns," Poppy told me. "We'll wait out here until you're ready."

I walked behind the curtain and started stripping off my scrubs, and listened in when I realized Severus was taking the opportunity to ask Poppy a question. Technically it was eveasdropping, but I really wanted to know what Severus might want to know about the pregnancy, but be too embarrassed to ask in front of me.

"I have sort of a sensitive question Poppy," he said quietly, and I imagined that she nodded before he continued. "What are the rules on, uh intercourse throughout the pregnancy?"

"You still can, unless there are other medical conditions that arise," she answered him quietly, but I could hear the amusement in her voice. "And you can do just about anything, as long as the two of you are comfortable. Don't do anything to strenuous, but we'll talk about that in relation to exercise with Hermione."

"Also, should I be feeding her twice at night," he asked, sounding embarrassed that he wasn't sure. "Since her morning sickness seems to fall around dinner time. Is she getting enough nutrition?"

"If the morning sickness doesn't clear up by the end of the first trimester, we probably want to revisit that question," she answered him. "But for now as long as she is taking her vitamins, a snack in the evening should be fine to balance out the sickness."

"I ready," I told them as I peeked around the partition, holding the back of my gown closed. I gave Severus a sly wink in acknowledgement of his asking one of the questions I was most curious about. His question also illuminated his behavior at breakfast a bit for me. I climbed into the bed, and Severus came to stand at the head of the bed with me. He held my hand, and traced the fingers of his other hand over the front of my scrubs where they were sitting on the bedside table.

"Okay, first I am going to do a physical exam," Poppy explained as she lifted the blankets from the foot of the bed and draped them over my knees. "I'll explain what I'll be doing, but you'll have to wait until one of the students need an exam of their own to see the finer workings of what I'm doing."

"Okay," I agreed, trying not to feel awkward about how I was exposed to the world, even if Poppy was the only one who was looking.

"Now, you've had an exam like this before, so you know what I am doing with my hands down here," she said as she put on gloves. "But do you know what I am checking?"

"My cervix," I answered mostly sure that I was right.

"That's correct," she said as she began the exam. "I'll also be palpating around the ovaries and the uterus, to ascertain whether or not there are any normality's."

"Right, and you palpate internally as well as externally right?" I asked, watching for her a visual confirmation. When she nodded I continued. "What happens if you find an abnormality?"

"Well that depends on the abnormality," she told me as she pressed down on my abdomen from above as well. "But let's not worry about that unless we find one alright?"

I nodded, and took a deep breath to relax the nerves that had built up in my chest at the idea of an abnormality.

"I'm going to move on to the cervical exam," she told me as she pulled the speculum off of the little tray she had at her side. "I cast a warming spell on it, which you always want to do before inserting it. It makes it a little less uncomfortable. There will still be a bit of a pinch though. Try to stay relaxed."

I did as she said, and I couldn't help but want to see what she was seeing. To have a better understanding of how to do the cervical exam. I flinched when she opened the speculum, and Severus squeezed my hand in encouragement.

"When you do this, you are again looking for abnormalities," she explained, "But you also want to take a sample of fluid to test for any illnesses. I will show you how to run those tests later today."

She took the sample so quickly that I didn't even feel her do it, but I saw her putting the swab into a container. She removed the speculum and I was better able to relax. She pulled the blankets back down to cover me up and offered me a smile.

"This next part is the most fun," she told me as she drew her wand. "From what I understand muggle doctors use a machine to create a black and white picture of the baby, but we use a charm that allows the parents to see a three dimensional projection of exactly what is happening in the womb."

"That's kind of amazing," I said in surprise.

"It is always a great moment for the parents," she told me with a smile. "Today you aren't quite far along to really be able to see the baby, but when I cast the spell we should all be able to hear the heartbeat. This method allows us to hear the heartbeat fairly early in the pregnancy."

Severus and I both nodded eagerly, excited to hear our baby's heart.

"The incantation is sonusultim," she explained. "And you want to make sure your wand makes contact with the flesh of the abdomen when you cast it."

I quickly pulled my gown up and the blanket down to expose a sliver of my abdomen for her to utilize for the spell. She placed the tip of her wand against my stomach, and cast the spell silently. And just like that the room was no longer quiet. The air around us was filled with the sound of a rapidly beating heart. I looked up at Severus and I saw that his face looked absolutely enraptured. I felt tears filling my eyes, but I bit my lips trying to keep them from actually falling.

"That's our baby's heartbeat," he breathed reverently, reaching down to brush the tears from my eyes.

"That is a very healthy heartbeat," Poppy assured us from outside out little bubble. "I'm going to cast the spell that ends this one now."

"Okay," I said, fully aware of the pout in my voice.

"Quietus," she said, tapping my stomach gently once more.

We could no longer hear the heartbeat, but I still felt like I was inside the warm bubble from before. I looked up at Severus, and he was glowing with the same happiness. I pulled his hand to my lips and kissed his knuckles as more happy tears started to spill out of my eyes.

"I'll give you two a few minutes," she said as she took her tray and made her way around the partitions. "Go ahead and get dressed again, and let me know when you are ready for me to come back."

I sat up and Severus pulled me into his arms hugging me close while I nuzzled my face into his neck. We didn't say anything, just held one another and basked in our mutual joy. We were so in love with one another, and so in love without baby. It was one of those perfect moments that everyone is always longing for, and it sort of crashed down on us unexpectedly overwhelming us with the feelings that came with it.

When we finally pulled apart I quickly changed out of the gown and back into my scrubs. Severus wiped away the stray tears I hadn't gotten under control just yet, and then we both sat down on the bed together. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and I leaned into him blissfully.

"We're ready for you Poppy," Severus called out, and it didn't take her long to rejoin us.

"Do you two have any questions for me?" she asked, stopping to stand at the foot of the bed.

"Uhm, I was wondering what will happen to the baby," I said nervously, leaning into Severus for support. "I mean since I was taking birth control after conception. Since I didn't think it was even a possibility for me to be pregnant."

"It shouldn't cause any issues with the baby," she assured me. "Obviously you don't want to take the birth control anymore, but if you keep up with your vitamins and eat right, you should have a very healthy baby."

"Should I stop drinking caffeinated tea?" I spat out my next question.

"You should limit your caffeine intake, but you don't have to cut it out completely," she answered easily.

"Should I stop working out?" I questioned.

"No certainly not," she said with a shake of her head. "But nothing to strenuous. Those marathon runs around the lake probably shouldn't happen, but light physical activity is good for you and the baby."

"If I sleep on my stomach will I squish the baby?" I asked, ducking my head into Severus's shoulder to hide my blush.

"No," she said, doing her best to stifle a laugh. "This early in the pregnancy the fetus is tucked away between your hips and completely protected. By the time your stomach is big enough to leave the baby more exposed it won't be comfortable to sleep on your stomach for long enough to do any damage anyway."

"Should she worry about any sleeping positions?" Severus prodded when I left my face buried in his chest.

"As the pregnancy progresses it will become less comfortable to sleep on your back," she pointed out. "It will also become a bit of a health risk because of the pressure it can cause which can raise your blood pressure among other things. If you tend to sleep on your back, you can prop a pillow behind your back while sleeping on your side."

I nodded, filing that information away, but silently deciding that I would much rather be spooned by my husband than propped up on a pillow. I couldn't think of any other questions so I waited to see if Severus would have anymore. Well anymore he wanted to ask in front of me I thought while trying to suppress a giggle.

"My only other question is if I might borrow Hermione for a bit longer this morning," Severus said. "We need to inform the headmaster of our news."

"Of course," Poppy said quickly before turning to look at me. "Just come back here when you're done there. When we run our tests on your sample, we will be able to calculate your due date."

I nodded enthusiastically and let Severus lead me out of the hospital wing and off to face our boss.

-`-;-

Telling Albus about the baby was surprisingly easy. He was so excited for us, you would think we had told him he was going to be a grandfather. Telling Harry and Ron had proved to be more difficult. As understanding as they had been about the change in our relationship, and my relationship with Severus, they freaked out at the idea of me having a baby. The first words out of Ron's mouth were 'but you're only 15! Which of course lead to the awkward conversation of how he knew that I was 20, and that I was married.

By Christmas break they seemed to have come around, which was probably for the best, since my hormones were taking enough of a toll without being in a fight with. I burst into tears over the slightest thing, and went into rages over just as little. I had a twenty minute fight with Harry over whatever disgusting cologne he was wearing only to discover that Ron had spilled something on himself during his potions lesson and that was what I had smelled to begin with. How they were managing to tolerate my insanity was beyond me.

I went with the boys down to Hagrid's hut for a visit, both because none of us had seen him in a while, and because I needed to get out of the castle to get some sun or something. My moodiness had reached an all-time high, and when I burst into tears because Severus decided to make shrimp scampi for dinner instead of the stuffed mushrooms I had been craving all day I realized I needed to clear my head.

"I don't mean to sound like jerk, but couldn't you have just told him you wanted mushrooms," Ron asked as we walked through the snow on the grounds. "I mean he would have made them wouldn't he?"

"Yeah he would have," I told Ron with a giggle, trying to maintain a good mood and not cry again. "I'm just so crazy lately. You know I woke up in the middle of the night with an insatiable craving for watermelon dipped in gravy. Gravy! What is that?"

"My mum said her cravings were pretty weird when she was pregnant with me," Ron offered lightly, and I smiled the thought of Molly not bothering me… today anyway.

We stopped on the steps of the hut, and Harry knocked on the door. Hagrid opened it almost immediately and I discovered just how incredibly excited I was to see him. I hurried forward to give him a hug, and he hugged me back enthusiastically.

"Hermione, it's good ter see you," he boomed, holding me out at arm's length to look at me. "Would you look at you? Yer glowing."

"Yeah, she's totally radioactive," Harry joked, and I burst into a fit of giggles.

"What is radioactive?" Ron asked. "Is that how muggles describe how she's all blushy and smiley?"

"No Ron," I chuckled as we made our way into the little hut and took seats around the table. "It's a science thing that would take way too long to explain. Harry was just being silly."

"How are yeh all doing?" Hagrid asked as he poured us tea. "Not fightin' anymore are yeh?"

"No, I'm not interested in anymore detention," Harry laughed. "Besides I don't think Malfoy's heart is really in the teasing anymore, sort of takes the fun out of punching him."

"I'm sure what's happening with his family has taken its toll on him," I said, disgusted by the fact that my eyes were tearing up again. "Oh you have got to be kidding me."

"Hey Hagrid, do you have any mushrooms?" Harry asked when he saw that I was starting to cry, and I couldn't help but laugh through the tears that were starting to fall.

"Sure, are yeh hungry?" Hagrid asked, his beard twitching with a smile.

"No, but Hermione is," Harry chuckled. "For mushrooms anyway."

"Cravings?" Hagrid asked as he got up and started rummaging through his cupboards for a can of mushrooms. "Do you know when you're due?"

"July seventh," I told his while I dabbed at the tears that hadn't dried yet with the sleeve of my robes. "Woman rarely deliver on their actual due date though. I'm just glad my due date is after school is out, so I won't have to miss work."

"What are your plans for next year?" Ron asked, seeming to have just realized that I was going to actually have a baby, and it might affect my future.

"We are going to turn the extra room in our quarters into a nursery," I said, feeling all warm and glowy at the idea of setting up the nursery. "And we are hiring one of the house elves to look after the baby while we are both working."

"Are you going to have a nursery at Spinner's End too?" Harry asked, and I was surprised to see that he remembered where our house was.

"Yes, Severus is excited to work on it when we head home tomorrow," I smiled, thinking about the plans that Severus had drawn out for what he wanted to do and had hidden away in the room that would soon become the second nursery.

"This is probably a stupid question," Ron said, his ears turning a bit pink. "But is it safe for you to apparate?"

"There pressure is for such a short period of time that it isn't really something to worry about," I assured him. "That being said, with the way everything seems to be swelling lately, adding more pressure sounds awfully unpleasant, so we'll be taking a portkey."

Ron looked embarrassed by that, so I didn't bother trying to explain that I meant my feet, ankles, and hands. I wasn't sure he wanted to know what I was talking about, and that was fine. I had to remind myself frequently that Ron was fifteen, and young for his age at that. Harry was adapting to the change in our relationship much more rapidly, thought I wondered if it had to do with the influence of Sirius. He was so much happier now that he was living with Sirius, and they seemed to talk often which I assumed effected his easy acceptance of this situation.

We spent an hour more with Hagrid and I did my best not to make a scene with just how much I enjoyed the mushrooms he had scrounged up. We made small talk about what we planned to do over the Christmas break, but other than spending time with loved ones it didn't sound like any of us had big plans. I ended up cutting my visit short when we hit the not so magic hour of five, and my 'morning' sickness came roaring back. I bid them all a good night, and beat a hasty retreat back to my chambers so I could be sick in private.

Severus was waiting for me with a cup of ginger tea, and a promise of stuffed mushrooms if my appetite came back when my stomach settled. When I quirked my brow in a silent question of how he had known what I wanted he told me that Hagrid had sent a quick word up to him shortly after I left his hut. I felt completely ridiculous and half-crazy lately, but I was lucky enough to have a loving husband and great friends who seemed willing to put up with the insanity.

 **Ch5: Song for this chapter: Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat**

 **SPOV**

I was more than excited to spend another Christmas with my Hermione, and spending it with her while she was pregnant with my child was more than I could have dreamed of or hoped for. I obviously wasn't allowed to laugh, unless I wanted to be faced with another bout of tears, but watching Hermione try to come up with an answer to the question of what she wanted for Christmas dinner was very funny.

We were nearing the end of the first trimester, so some of the emotional outbursts had faded, but her cravings hadn't. She craved some of the strangest things. A couple days before Christmas she offered to make dinner, but twenty minutes later I found her in the kitchen watching a pot of water boil while she dipped a pickle into peanut butter absentmindedly. She was so lost in her snacking that at first she didn't even notice I was in the kitchen with her.

"What are you eating?" I asked her with a smile as I took up residence on the stool next to hers at the island counter.

"Oh," she gasped, dropping the pickle onto the counter, and jumping out of her seat. "The noodles!"

She grabbed the canister of angel hair pasta off of the counter and put a handful of it into the boiling water. I picked the now contaminated pickle up off the counter and threw it away. When I turned back to my seat I saw her pouting.

"Oh, don't be mad," I chuckled. "It had germs on it."

"That's probably true," she conceded. "And the counters going to have even more germs on it in a minute, I need to start making the meatballs for the spaghetti."

"Do you want help?' I asked her.

"No I want to do this for you," she said with a wave of her hand. "You've been making me all of these great meals, and I want to make you a meal."

"Are you going to eat it with me?" I chuckled, nodding my head at the open jar of peanut butter. "Or are you full up on your very interesting food choice?"

"That was a strange craving wasn't it?" she chuckled before fixing me with a deep stare. "That's not the only thing I've been craving today."

"Oh?" I asked, sucking in a breath at the way her eyes darkened as she drank me in.

"Mmmm," she nodded as she sauntered back around the island to slid in between my legs. "Are you… hungry for anything Severus?"

She didn't actually wait for an answer to her question, instead claiming my lips swiftly. I told her my answer silently by deepening this kiss. She leaned into me, and I felt a swelling of possessiveness when her baby bump pressed into my abdomen. She was 12 weeks along now, and she was starting to show. I loved seeing the ay her sweaters hugged her and the baby. I slid my hands into her hair, and grasped it lightly to pull her more tightly against me.

"Oh," she gasped at me, and I knew why.

I had felt what she had felt. Her stomach was pressed up against me when the baby kicked for the very first time. I brought my hand down to rest over where the baby had just kicked, and Hermione placed hands over mine. All thought of what we had just been doing was forgotten at the realization that our baby was kicking.

"Did you feel that?" Hermione gushed. "Oh my gosh, did you feel that?"

"I felt that," I confirmed, running my thumb gently over the spot where I had felt it.

"Well, its official it's really our baby," she chuckled.

"Was there a question as to whether it was our baby?" I laughed.

"Well no," she said. "But now we know for sure. Since our baby is clearly an over achiever."

"Is that so?" I asked, realizing that I obviously needed to start reading the pregnancy book Hermione had left on my bedside table.

"Well according to what I've read, we shouldn't be able to feel the baby kick until I'm eighteen weeks along," she explained. "But with you as a father, and me as a mother, I guess it would make sense that he or she would learn how to kick early."

I was distracting from what I was going to say by the sound of the pasta water boiling over onto the stove. I gently moved Hermione to the side, and hurried over to the stove to take care of the forgotten dinner. I knew as soon as I picked the noodle pot up from the burner hat all hope for the spaghetti was lost. The noodles were burned to the bottom of the pan.

"How about I make us some sandwiches," I suggested as I tossed out the noodles.

"Okay," she pouted. "I'll make you dinner tomorrow. I promise."

-`-'-

We enjoyed a very laidback Christmas together. We slept in, and did a modified version of yoga designed to accommodate a pregnant body, before we opened our present. She had gotten me a tool belt as well as the tools to go with it. I was very excited to use them while working on the nursery here at Spinner's End. I had taken a page out of her book and gotten her a gift certificate for a full body massage, as well as a basket of comforts like a new fluffy robe, slippers, and lotions. Basically all of the things I thought would brighten her mood on her more difficult days.

We spent the day together cuddled up in front of the fire. I read to her, and she read to me. We were debating which stories we wanted to reach to our baby, and we were sampling different stories. I was torn between muggle fairy tales versus wizarding fairy tales, whereas Hermione was struggling with the idea that all of the fairy tales where about men rescuing women, none of them portraying a female hero.

We snacked on fruits and vegetables throughout the day, and then made a Christmas dinner of pot roast together in the evening. All in all it was a quiet and reserved day, but it was enjoyable. By the time we went to bed we were both tired and we cuddled together under the covers and fell asleep straight away.

-`-'-

-`-'-

HPOV

I woke up at three in the morning on boing day after a particularly exciting dream which left me frustrated on a level that left me groaning into my pillow. I tried to be quiet, because I knew Severus was still sleeping, but the second my muffled groan disturbed the silence of the room his arms constricted around me.

"You okay?" he mumbled sleepily into my back.

"Yeah," I assured him breathily. "Go back to sleep babe."

He hummed in quiet assent, and I heard his breathing start to even back out. I took deep breaths of my own trying to will my body into being tired once more. I wasn't having any success though, so I tried to relief my frustration without waking Severus once more by shifting my thighs back and forth attempting to get a little friction without jostling my husband.

"Baby?" he asked, his voice sounding a little more awake, but still fairly tired.

I bit my lip to keep from whimpering at him, and as much as I didn't want to, I stilled my legs and lay still.

"Yes?" I asked, my voice betraying me with its breathy quality.

"Can't sleep?" he asked pulling himself flush against my back, unknowingly making my situation that much worse.

"Mmmm, just woke up early," I sighed relishing the feel of his body pressed against mine even if it was only going to add to my dilemma. "I'm sure I'll fall back asleep soon."

Whether it was a conscious decision or not he rubbed his hand over the bottom of my baby bump, and his hand brushed so closely to another area that I was unable to bite back to groan that climbed up my throat. I felt the shiver that rolled through him in response to the sound, and I was fairly sure he ha figured out what was keeping me awake this morning.

"I can help you," he whispered into my shoulder as he drug his hand down from my abdomen to my knee, and pulled my leg back and over his hip drawing a shaky breath from my chest.

When my leg was hitched over his he pushed my night gown up to my hips and slid his skilled hands under the hem of my underwear. My hitched breathing was drowned out by his throaty groan when he discovered just how aroused I already was.

"No wonder you couldn't sleep," he breathed in surprise, and I felt a certain part of him stir as he started rubbing circles into my already swollen bundle of nerves.

I leaned my head back on his shoulder, struggling to draw an unhitched breath as he continued his ministrations and I rocked my hips against him. He began pumping his fingers rhythmically with my thrusts, and I was consumed with mewls that left little to the imagination as to how good I was feeling.

"I'd like to try from this position if you are interested," he said huskily as he nipped at my ear.

I nodded eagerly, pushing my underwear off hastily. He slid my leg off of his hip for a moment so he could remove his boxers, but then he returned my leg to where it had been. He guided himself into me and I cried out at the sensation of him filling me so completely from this angle. I rolled my hips back toward him and he groaned into my shoulder as he began to thrust slowly.

He brought his fingers back into the equation and I felt so good that I was unable to stop myself from rocking back toward him with increasing speed as I raced towards the precipice of my release at a surprising pace.

"Merlin Hermione," he gasped as my muscles clamped down on him and I kept riding him through my orgasm.

He kept up his slow almost methodical thrusting, and my muscles almost immediately began the fluttering that signaled I was close once more. I reached behind me and tangled my fingers tightly in his hair, unwilling to let go of him as he drove me over the edge once more.

"Oh Severus, oh God," I chanted as I tried to force him to increase his speed with the pressure of my hips. "Come with me please."

I know he heard me begging, but he didn't comply. Instead he slid his other arm under my ribs so he could massage my breasts while he continued to send waves of pleasure rolling through me with his hands and his manhood. I bucked against him, crying out again and again as he brought me once more into that blinding sensation of absolute pleasure for a third time.

"Hermione, I'm close," he growled into my hair as I continued rocking my hips against him through the spasming of my inner muscles.

"Please, please," I begged him as I panted and writhed, a hot mess in his arms.

He began to move with more speed, and as I was hit with a blinding orgasm that left me on the verge of losing consciousness. This time he tumbled over the edge with me, and his primal cry of pleasure touched me in places he was physically incapable of reaching.

"Oh my God," I panted as his stilled against me. "Severus, that was so…"

"Perfect," he said when I trailed off without answering. "Sleep now my love."

I heard what he said, and I listened. I lowered my leg off of his, and lay curled up in his embrace until I drifted back to sleep.

-`-'-

Severus had awakened a monster in me by responding to my desires. The emotional outbursts were gone, but they were replaced by an insatiable libido. I had a hard time leaving him alone to make the changes to his old childhood bedroom that he was so excited about. I was excited to, but lately I was so wrapped up in my urges that whether or not the baby had a crib right now was not a priority for me.

I did my best not to interrupt him while he was building or adjusting furniture, and to not be angry when I was banned from being in the room while he was painting. Logically I understood that he was worried about paint fumes making me or the baby sick, but my hormones were angry and sexually frustrated. I found myself spending a lot of time alone in the shower trying to deal with my little problem while Severus was busy.

"Hey, I want to try something," Severus said with a beaming smile over dinner.

"What do you want to try?" I asked, my heart rate increasing immediately as I tried to guess which position he would want to try tonight.

"I was reading in the pregnancy book that in the fifteenth week the baby can see light," he said, and my heart sunk when I realized this had nothing to do with what I thought it did. "Tomorrow marks the beginning of the fourteenth week, but since the baby kicked early, I thought maybe the light thing would be early too. Do you want to try it?"

"Sure," I agreed, setting my fork down and turning my chair out so my stomach wasn't hidden by the table.

He came around the table with that huge smile still on his face, and I tried to feel the excitement he was feeling. My brain was so wrapped up in sexuality that I was missing out on his excitement and it was frustrating to me. He lit the tip of his wand and moved it around in in a swirling line over my abdomen.

"Any movement?" he asked looking up to my face.

"No, I didn't feel anything," I said quietly, knowing his face would fall.

"That's okay, it was early anyway," he said, quickly schooling any disappointment out of his features.

He caressed my baby bump his features relaxing into a happy smile once more, and I was so in love with him. Frustrated that he didn't seem to be attracted to me lately, but in love with him. He kneeled on the floor in front of me and whispered secrets to our baby. I knew it didn't matter to him that the baby couldn't hear him yet. These secrets were for him. He felt connect to the baby by talking to it, and I could understand that. I felt connected to the baby when I talked to it too, or what I wrapped my arms around my belly. It was a simple thing.

We finished our dinner and while Severus cleaned up the kitchen I went to take a shower and get ready for bed. I looked at my body in the mirror when I pulled off my clothes, and for the first time in a couple weeks I felt those stupid tears building up in my eyes. I was getting big, and today I didn't feel very good about it. I slid into the shower so the sound of the water would cover the sound if I ended up bursting into tears. I found myself wondering if my size was the reason that Severus wasn't as interested in sex as I was. I washed my hair while I cried over the idea that perhaps my husband wasn't attracted to me right now. I cried more when I realized I didn't think I was very attractive right now.

I cried myself out in the shower, and then I dressed in a baggy pair of sweats and a sweatshirt before burrowing into the bed where Severus was already sitting, reading the pregnancy book. He looked so studious propped up against the headboard, flipping through his book. I offered him a weak smile, that he didn't see because he was wrapped up in his book, and the I buried my face in the pillows and tried to fall asleep.

I heard the sound of the book being set down, and I felt his hand run down my arm. I suppressed a shiver, and told him I loved him before pulling the blankets a little tighter around my chest. He started running his fingers through my hair, and I sighed at the sensation of it sinking further into the bed. I simultaneously relaxed, and stiffened as my emotions started to bubble up again, as he played with my hair and trailed his fingers over my arm and my back. I could hear his breathing getting louder, and for some reason that made me want to cry.

"It okay Severus," I said thickly, my throat tightening as I pulled the blanket all the way up to my chin. "You don't have to pretend that you are attracted to me right now."

"Whose pretending?" he said his voice sounding shocked as he gently pulled my hips backward to meet his causing me to feel his excitement.

"That's a natural reaction to doing intimate things," I sighed, tears leaking quietly from my eyes. "That doesn't mean I don't look completely disgusting right now."

"Hermione," he tutted trying to wrap his arms firmly around me while I was trying to roll away from him. "You are beautiful."

"I'm fat," I groaned. "And puffy and I don't know, just not pretty. So you don't have to pretend you want to have sex with me. We can just go to sleep."

"If you really want to go to sleep, then we can go to sleep," he told me pulling me tight against his chest. "But you should know that I don't think any of those things about you. I think you are beautiful, gorgeous even."

I burst into tears and he turned me gently so I could burry my face in his chest, and he could wrap his arms tightly around me. He rubbed my back soothingly and I cried myself to sleep in his arms. All in all, it wasn't the best night of our Christmas break, and I couldn't have been more ready to return to the school tomorrow. I was ready to be distracted by work if I was going to be feeling this way for much longer.

-`-'-

I put extra effort into my appearance when we returned to the castle. It made me feel better about myself, and how rapidly I was gaining weight now. I knew from the beginning I would get bigger, but during the first trimester I had actually lost some weight due to all of the morning sickness. So the rapid weight gain did catch me a bit off guard.

I didn't bring it up with Poppy when we went in for our next exam partly because it was normal to gain weight, and partly because Severus and I were both so excited to find out what the gender of our baby. I changed into a dressing gown once more, and slid into the bed ready for yet another exam, expelling a soft giggle when the baby started fluttering about.

"Someone's excited," I told Severus, rubbing my stomach. "The baby is moving like crazy."

"Are you ready to be able to say he or she?" Poppy said as she came around to join us.

"Yes," Severus said, offering her one of the rare smiles that anyone other than me rarely saw.

I adjusted the blankets for her, and she cast the spell that allowed us to see the baby silently. Today's visit wasn't about teaching me anything. The sound of our baby's heartbeat filled the air around us, and suddenly the air above my stomach was filled with the partially transparent view of our tiny baby. The baby was just slightly larger than an avocado, and was squirming around a bit like an uncomfortable sleeper while we watched.

"Everything is developing nicely," Poppy assured us. "See how the little toes are becoming defined now?"

We both nodded, watching enthusiastically as our baby raised its tiny hand up to hold onto its face.

"Any if you look here," she said with a smile pointing between the baby's legs. "You'll see that you are having a little girl."

I suddenly felt like I was seeing our baby in an entirely different light. Suddenly everything just seemed so… pink. I was picturing her in dresses, brushing her hair, playing with dolls. A baby girl! I was so excited. I looked up at Severus to see if he was excited too, and saw him staring at our baby like it was the first time he was seeing magic.

"We're having a daughter," I gushed and he turned his head to smile at me.

"A baby girl," he beamed. "She's going to be beautiful just like her mother."

I felt my eyes prick at that, but I blinked back the tears and pressed his hand against my cheek, enjoying another perfect moment with my husband. We talked with Poppy about how the pregnancy was progressing, and finished the checkup. Everything was progressing well so we enjoyed the time watching our baby girl roll about inside of my womb.

-`-'-

January turned into February, and I just kept getting bigger. I stopped spending as much time with Harry and Ron, because the thought of dragging my rapidly growing body up to the seventh floor became less and less appealing as time went on. When February turned into march, I started to feel even more sluggish.

I started spending more time in the nursery here at the castle as my nesting instincts kicked into over drive. I was using a book called Transfiguration for the Home since building things wasn't exactly my forte. I had transfigured little wooden blocks into all of the furniture our little girl would need when she got here.

Lately I was focusing on the walls. I wasn't painting them since Severus and I were both concerned about paint fumes, especially in the dungeons where there wasn't a lot of ventilation to begin with. Instead I was using pastel crayons to draw a fairy tale kingdom on her walls. I wasn't the world's greatest artist, but the castle surrounded by a flowering forest looked pretty good to me.

Severus helped me by filling in the sky and the grass in places I couldn't reach as my mobility started to dwindle. During the hours we spent together personalizing our baby girl's room, we talked about all sorts of things. One of our more common topics was baby names.

"What do you think about Elizabeth?" I asked reaching down to swap a pink pastel for a purple. "Ow."

I stood up with a gasp, my hand going instinctively to the right side of my stomach where I had felt a pinching pain.

"Are you okay?" Severus asked hurrying to my side.

"Um, I think so," I said taking a deep breath to steady myself. "It just hurt when I bent over."

"Is it still hurting?" he asked, placing his hand over mine on my stomach.

"No, I think I'm fine now," I said offering him a smile in an attempt to sooth both of our nerves. "Maybe I should be done for the night though."

"That's a good idea," he said, shuffling me out of the room in front of him. "Why don't we sit down for a while?"

We snuggled up on the couch together. I nuzzled into Severus's shoulder, and absentmindedly rubbed my side where I had felt the pain.

"What do you think about Elizabeth," Severus asked, leaning his head in a way that alerted me to the fact that he was talking to the baby.

"I think she likes it," I said as she started kicking. "She's sure kicking up a storm in there."

Then I stifled a wince when one of her kicks hit on my right side and another spike of pain hit me.

"I like the name Elizabeth," Severus nodded, seeming not to have noticed my wince.

"We could call her Ellie for short," I beamed at him, trying to ignore the pain that seemed to be pulsing in my side with each kick from the baby.

I felt a particularly strong wave of pain in my side, and I lurched forward cradling my stomach wincing again.

"Is it still hurting Hermione?" Severus asked, his voice laced with concern, as he reached forward to grab me. "You feel a little feverish."

"Yeah," I panted when the cramp like pain didn't pass. "I think maybe we should go see Poppy."

"Okay," he agreed readily, helping me up off the couch with a light touch. "Let me just go grab our shoes."

He hurried off into the bedroom to grab our shoes, and I stood by the couch, rubbing my stomach trying to stay calm. I could still feel the baby moving around, and I hoped that was a good sign. Severus set my shoes at my feet, and I slid them on without bending down, wary of eliciting that sharp pain again.

Once I had my shoes on, Severus took my hand, and we calmly walked out of our chambers. I was feeling stressed out enough that I would have liked to have run up to the hospital wing, but I was worried that would make the situation worse. Not to mention, with it being just a couple weeks until I started my third trimester I was getting too big for running.

We reached the hospital wing soon enough, and Poppy was quite surprised to see us. She had been in the process of turning out all of the lamps when she saw us enter the ward, and she bustled right over.

"What brings the two of you here this time of night?" she asked as she stopped in front of us.

"I'm having pains in my right side," I told her, trying not to sound like I was freaking out. "We were concerned."

"Well I'm glad you came to see me," she said motioning for us to follow her to the bed in the back corner that she was keeping the partitions around indefinitely. "We'll check everything out and make sure Mom and the baby are both okay."

I hurried through changing into the dressing gown, needing Severus to help this time when the pain in my side made me want to curl up into a ball. Once the gown was in place he helped me to climb into the bed. This time he paced back and forth beside the bed while we waited for Poppy to return, and I realized he was just as freaked out as I was.

"Stand still Severus," Poppy chided when she joined us with her rolling cart. "You aren't helping with keeping Hermione calm acting like that."

He nodded his head, and came to stand stoically at my side, offering me his hand. I rubbed my fingers over his knuckles, knowing he was stressing out just as much as me, and trying to comfort him.

"Now, is the pain localized to just your right side?" she asked as she lifted up the gown and began to gently palpate my abdomen.

"Yes," I winced when she pushed on my right, just above where my appendix would be if I still had one.

"Hmm," she said with a quirked brow as she moved her fingers around the area pressing gently.

She took a breath like she was about to say something else, but I didn't hear her. I turned awkwardly to the side, and threw up over the side of the bed. I was embarrassed, and I immediately started apologizing but Severus simply drew his wand and vanished the mess.

"Okay Hermione, I'm going to need you to lie still for me okay," Poppy said firmly, drawing my attention back to her.

I lay back on the bed, praying that I wouldn't be hit with another wave of nausea. Poppy moved swiftly to push my gown up to just under my breasts, and pull down the blanket to under the swell of my belly. She cast a spell silently, and I watched in fascination as the skin of my stomach turned transparent. I also breathed a shaky sigh of relief when I felt my entire abdomen go numb. The pain stopped, and I could think clearly for the first time since the initial moment of pain in the nursery.

I could see my swollen uterus from my position laying on the bed, but I couldn't see much else. Severus could apparently see something else though, because his face constricted in confusion and what looked like fear, before his features smoothed out, and he turned his head to look back at me. He smoothed out the crinkle in my brow with his thumb and then he turned his gaze back to Poppy.

"Okay, we have a bit of a situation, but it's nothing to get too upset about Poppy," Poppy said calmly from her position on the other side of the bed. "You appear to have developed an ovarian cyst over the course of the last few weeks, and this evening it burst."

I let out a shaky breath, attempting to take in what she was saying without panicking. Severus squeezed my hand reassuringly, waiting for the rest of what Poppy had to say.

"There is a risk of infection from the fluids that were expelled by the rupture of the cyst," she continued. "But we'll have you take a potion for that and your body will absorb the fluids. Also, a mild analgesic to help with the pain that will likely return when I remove the spell."

"The baby?" I asked, not sure how to word my fear of how each thing she had said, and everything that had just happened might affect our daughter.

"She should be fine," Poppy assured me. "I want to check on you every day for the rest of the week to be certain everything is healing alright, but with a little rest, and well applied potions, you should both be just fine."

I relaxed, and I saw Severus's shoulders drop as the stress bled out of him as well. Poppy bustled off most likely to get the potions she had mentioned I tugged on Severus's hand and he kneeled down so he could lay his head on my shoulder. I breathed in his musky cologne, calming myself further, until Poppy came back.

"I want you on bed rest for the rest of the week," Poppy said as she handed the two potion vials to me. "I will visit you in your chambers to check in, so you don't have to get out of bed to come see me."

I took the potions in quick succession, screwing my face up against the bitter taste. Poppy removed the spell, and my abdomen turned opaque once more. I was relieved to feel that the pain potion had already taken effect, and the pain from before didn't return.

"Severus, if you would carry her when the two of you go back to your quarters," Poppy said as she collected the potion vials onto her rolling cart of supplies. "I want her to stay off of her feet for the rest of the night."

Severus nodded in compliance, and stooped to scoop me up. Which I was surprised he could still do it with how big I had gotten.

"And send for me immediately if the pain returns," Poppy said sternly. "Or if you show any symptoms of infection or hemorrhage. You know what those signs are right?"

I nodded my head, mentally ticking off all of the signs I would need to keep an eye out for.

"Okay then," she said with a sad smile. "Try to get some rest."

Severus swept us out of the room without another word.

"So what are the symptoms I should be keeping an eye out for," he asked me as he moved through the corridor with me.

"Nausea, dizziness, fever," I listed off for him. "Those sorts of things, but I'll keep my eye out for them too."

"I just want you to rest," he said firmly as he shifted my weight so he could push a tapestry out of the way to take me through one of the many secret passages in the school. "That really scared me Hermione."

"Me too," I told him honestly and solemnly. "Me too."

"You really didn't feel any pain before today?" he asked me as we descended into a dungeon hallway.

"No, I felt fine," I assured him. "Until I didn't."

"I must admit I don't know anything about ovarian cysts," he sighed as he maneuvered us around so he could engage the ward that would open our chambers. "But I don't like them one bit."

"Neither do I," I sighed as he lowered me gently onto our bed. "They aren't any fun that much is for sure."

He climbed into bed with me, after pulling off his shoes and then mine. We snuggled together, and even though we were both fully clothed I fell quickly to sleep. I was still feeling pretty overwhelmed, but there was something about being wrapped up in his comforting embrace that soothed me.


	2. part 2

**Ch6: Songs for this chapter: Changes by Three Doors Down and Dream Priscilla Ahn**

 **SPOV**

In the beginning, I was afraid would lose her. Slowly, ever slowly she made me believe that she really was in love with me, and she really was staying with me forever. After the wedding in particular, that fear was completely erased. I was so happy and so content, but now I was scared. I was scared not only that I would lose her, but that our child would be lost as well.

I watched her like a hawk while she was on bed rest. I constantly checked her temperature, and her pain level. Hermione wouldn't know it because I made sure she slept as much as possible, but I wasn't sleeping more than an hour or two a night. Poppy was so sure that everything would be fine, but I was still afraid. I couldn't imagine trying to go on with my life if I lost either of my girls, so no matter what Poppy said I could not let my guard down.

I released control of my class to Albus for the week so I would not have to leave Hermione's bedside. To her credit, she was amazing about it all. She stayed calm, and she hardly cried. I felt that was an accomplishment as I found myself on the verge of some sort of emotional fit at all times. I spent much of my time in the bed with Hermione, only leaving it to make her food, or to allow Poppy to examine her each day.

During the first evening of the week of bed rest, I had to leave our bedroom to entertain Albus who came to visit after teaching my lessons for the first day. He filled me in on how the classes went, but I think his real reason for visit was to check on Hermione, and to deliver a gift. He sat with her for a while in our bedroom, and when he left she was in possession of Tales of the Beedle Bard. After his visit, a bit of Hermione's glow had returned, and I sat with her enjoying her beaming smile while she read some of my favorite wizarding children's stories for the first time.

And because of that book I was sent to spend more time away from my healing wife. She wasn't allowed to get out of bed, but she really wanted the cackling stump added to the mural that covered all of the walls in the nursery. So I was sent to do it. I worked quickly and silently to complete it, while listening to Hermione read aloud to our daughter in the next room. For just a moment my fear wavered at the sound of her sure voice quietly sharing a story with the child that was slowly growing in her womb.

And toward the end of the week, I was away from her bedside perusing The Daily Prophet while I baked vegetarian lasagna for the two of us and Poppy finished up with what she said would be the last exam until the one scheduled already for two weeks from now. I opened the paper which had been sitting bundled on the kitchen waiting to be read, and I knocked the glass measuring cup onto the floor in my surprise. It shattered on the floor, and I heard the unmistakable gasp of Hermione's from the other room.

"Is everything okay Severus?" she called from the bedroom.

"Everything's fine," I lied stiffly from where I stood hunched over the counter reading the article on the front page of the paper.

 _ **Azkaban Break Out**_

 _Somewhat less shocking the second time around there has been an escape from Azkaban. Unlike before this break out did not involve an innocent wizard who had taken his fill of imprisonment. Peter Pettigrew and Lucius Malfoy have both managed to slip through the grasp of the strikingly inept Dementor guards._

 _The Ministry of Magic has initiated an international search for the fugitives, and they have initiated a wizarding guard program at the isolated prison to ensure that no other prisoners are able to escape. The effectiveness of the dementors has been brought under investigation, and certain parties are questioning whether or not they should be removed entirely._

 _This paper's sources say that the escape was made possible by the mistaken transfer of Pettigrew into a different cell while repairs were made to his. He was placed in a cell that had bars on the door, which he was able to slip through after transfiguring himself into a rat. It is yet unclear as to how Pettigrew broke Malfoy out of his cell, but neither prisoner remains on the premises. Perhaps if the guards could see their captives, a situation like this could have been avoided?_

I stopped reading after that. I was torn between shock, and anger, and there was a little sliver of the teacher in me that was upset at how poorly the article was written. It sounded like some sort of diary entry. I looked up and saw that it was written by Ellie Hornbecker. Questions of whether Hermione was intentionally suggesting we name our child after such an ignoramus, by the sinking feeling in my gut at the thought of the last two faithful death eaters being on the loose once more.

I vanished the broken glass from the floor, and schooled my features into an emotionless mask. It was in direct opposition to how I was feeling, but I wasn't about to transfer my panic to my wife. So instead I took the lasagna from the oven, and methodically dished it out onto plates, making a serving for Poppy as well in my distraction. I put all three plates on a tray, and began to make my way into the bedroom, but I nearly crashed into Poppy as she made her way out of the bedroom. Surprisingly Hermione was walking behind her.

"You're out of bed," I said dumbly backing up to allow them room to come more fully into the room.

"I'm giving her a clean bill of health," Poppy told me with a smile. "She's allowed out of bed again."

My instinct was to bundle her back up in bed and hide her away from the world whether or not she was healthy now. Again, I was afraid. Terrified actually that one of those men would steal her away from me. Again.

"Do you want to stay for dinner Poppy?" I asked, thankful that my voice didn't betray how panicked I was feeling.

"No thank you Severus," she waved me off politely as she walked toward the exit that fed out into my classroom. "I ate before I came down."

I nodded after her, and went to set the meal on the table. I turned back with the tray, intending to return Poppy's portion to the kitchen, when I saw Hermione making her way into the kitchen. My heart jumped into my throat as I hurried to intercept her. She had a subtle waddle now, but it didn't slow her down enough to give me the advantage when she was just feet from the kitchen door.

"I can get you anything you need from the kitchen," I said, hoping to distract her into going back to the table. "Why don't you sit down and relax."

"I need to stretch my legs Severus," she groaned softly pushing into the kitchen without further ado.

I hurried in behind her, hoping to at least get to the paper before she did. But my studios wife loved to read, so the paper may as well have been screaming READ ME at the top of its lungs. She bee lined for the paper and scooped it up off the counter. I set the food tray down on the counter so it couldn't give away the way my hands had begun to shake, and I watched her brows climb up toward her hair as she read the article.

"Well, that changes things I guess," she said in a stiff voice as she set the paper down.

"I can protect you," I said quickly, sweeping around the island to pull her into my arms. "They won't touch you."

"It probably doesn't have anything to do with me," she said as she turned her head into my shoulder, and I wasn't sure if she was trying to convince me or herself. "I'm sure everything will be okay."

I nodded, not believing it, but not wanting her to be afraid. I was afraid enough for the two of us. What had happened to me? Once one of the most feared Death Eaters, I was now actually shaking at the announcement that one of my enemies was loose in the world again. When had I gone soft?

"Are you hungry?" I asked gently, and she nodded again.

We went back out of the kitchen, and sat down together at the table. It had been awhile since I had seen her at the table, and it was adorable that she didn't quite fit comfortably at the table anymore. Her baby belly kept her at a distance from the table. Ever the practical one, she just slid around in her chair so she was angled out toward the living room, and casually leaned over her left side to eat her dinner.

"I think it might be wise to increase the wards on the school," she said quietly in between bites. "You know, do whatever we can to avoid having the dementors brought back as guards at the castle again."

"I'll speak with Albus first thing in the morning." I assured her, settling enough to take a bite of my own dinner.

-`-'-

For four glorious weeks life was uneventful for us. The pregnancy was progressing normally once more, and there hadn't been any more articles in the paper about Malfoy or Pettigrew. Albus, Minerva, and I had seen personally to increasing the wards around the castle and the grounds to a level that would make nearly impossible for anyone to visit that castle, let alone a hostile wizard.

Hermione was back at work, and she seemed happier than before. Her depression over her changing body seemed to have passed, and she even allowed me to take a picture of her holding her belly to save for the baby book we planned to make. I wrote a note on the back of the image that she was 29 weeks in the picture, and then spent a long time just staring at her giggling and rubbing her stomach. Her face clearly said the baby was kicking when the picture was taken.

Week 32 was much less eventful, and I found about it from Hermione, who read the morning paper before I did. I joined her in the breakfast nook after my morning shower, and saw her sipping her tea with a forced calm on her face, and looking anywhere but at the paper that sat on the table in front of her. I scooped the paper up and scanned the front page article. I could see why she was worried. The paper was reporting a break in at the department of mysteries. Not much was known about who had done it, but there was a time turner missing as well as all the documents on what exactly happened with all of the time travel that had altered wizarding history.

I took a deep breath, trying to stay calm, as I set the paper back down on the table. My mind raced, trying to find any way that this couldn't involve a threat to Hermione, but I couldn't find one. Every answer seemed to involve her somehow. It had to be Malfoy and Wormtail who had broken into the ministry, and it had to have some relation to my wife. I just couldn't see another answer.

"I think I might be scared now," she said quietly, setting down her tea. "They could erase us Severus."

That thought hadn't occurred to me. I was so worried about her physical wellbeing that I hadn't thought about what else could be done with a time turner.

"They could erase Ellie," she said, her voice quavering and her lips trembling. "Or the fact that we're married, or that I survived that night at Spinner's End. What if they go back far enough to alter what I changed in your life? You could forget me."

"I would never forget you Hermione," I promised her. "You are burned into my very soul."

"They could make it so that never happened," she sobbed, and tears began to fall down her cheeks.

"We don't know for sure that they are the ones who broke into the ministry," I said, trying to calm her as I came around the table to wrap my arms around her shaking form. "And if it is them, we don't know that it has anything to do with us. They probably just want to clear their names."

"You know that isn't true," she huffed, wiping angrily at her tears. "But thank you. That's what I need to hear right now."

"Why don't I make you some chamomile tea?" I asked her, standing up from where I kneeled before her.

"That's a wonderful idea," she said shakily. "But if I am going to make it through the day, I think I may actually need a calming draught."

"Is that safe?" I asked, berating myself for not knowing the medical effects the potion would have on a baby.

"It's fine, none of the ingredients would harm the baby," she explained. "And they would have much less impact than all of the adrenaline pumping through mommy's system right now."

I swept out of our chambers, through my classroom, and into the store room to retrieve a vial of the potion she needed. I hurried back to our sitting room at record speed, and I found Hermione leaned over the table with her head in her hands, rocking herself gently as she tried to stay calm. In that moment I knew I had to tramp down any fear I might be feeling about what was happening, because Hermione needed me to be strong now. I couldn't go to pieces, when she was barely managing to keep it together.

-`-'-

Hermione fell into the habit of not leaving our quarters except to go up to the hospital wing when it was required of her. Not to say she wasn't getting any sort of exercise, as she spent a large chuck of each night pacing nervously around our chambers. We stopped taking meals in the great hall, neither of us wanting to spend a prolonged amount of time exposed to so many people. I don't know if she was thinking the same thing, but I was worried about just how many opportunities someone using polyjuice potion would have to get near Hermione.

As May turned into June we started turning all of our attention to the upcoming birth. After well talked about it for a while, we both decided that we wanted to go with a natural birth, preferably in the water. With everything being as stressful as it had been, we wanted to make Ellie's transition into the world as peaceful as we possibly could. We made the arrangements with Poppy, and she had an inflatable pool on standby up in the hospital wing behind the partitions in the back corner we had claimed as our own.

We also finally picked which house elf we were hiring to be our nanny, and started having him spend a little time each night in our chambers so we could get used to one another. We had chosen Dobby, who I understood to have a previous connection to Hermione from her second year here at school. He was quite eccentric for a house elf, but he was fiercely loyal, and dedicated to being a good employee. The more time I spent with the elf, the more came to believe he would do an excellent job taking care of Ellie during the day while the two of us had to work. As long as we kept his bizarre fashion sense from rubbing off on her, it should be a perfect match.

Dobby had also been helpful in finishing the nursery, and helping us with our final preparations. Hermione was due in just three weeks, and without the elf's help I'm not sure we would have been ready on time. Everything was ready to go, and we were able to focus on trying to keep Hermione comfortable as she grew steadily bigger and more uncomfortable as the due date approached. Things were growing tense as she started to have false contractions, and struggled to sleep through the night between being uncomfortable or having to go to the bathroom or any other combination of unpleasant side effects of being pregnant. To her credit, Hermione managed to mostly maintain a good mood.

 **Ch7: Songs for this chapter: I'm Not Afraid by Eminem and Everlong (acoustic) but the Foo Fighters**

 **HPOV**

I was standing in the middle of the hospital wing attempting to make a bed with my large stomach obstructing my reach when it happened for the first time. Suddenly my memories of what had happened when I had been in the clutches of Lucius Malfoy were different. The pain was longer, and more intense, and Severus took so much longer to find us this time. In my new memories nothing had taken place in my parents' home. Instead we had been in a forest somewhere, and Severus had struggled to find us, allowing so much more damage to be done.

I took a tentative step forward unsure of if I would still retain the ability to walk, and I noticed immediately that my limp was back. There was pain in my leg when I moved, but instinctively I knew I was lucky to only have that issue. In this new version of what had happened, I was lucky to be alive.

The memory didn't stay around long. As it flitted out of my mind, I realized that Lucius must have gone back at the last second to undo his work. And I knew why he would have done it, because in this memory, Severus could not contain his fury. Lucius had to quickly undo his work or he would die from the wounds that were inflicted upon him.

I took a shaky seat on the bed I had been making, and tried to calm myself by taking deep breaths. I knew for sure now that it was Lucius or Peter who had the time turner, and they had begun whatever their plan was. It was starting, and I felt completely unable to protect myself. I was just two over two weeks away from my due date, about as big as a house, and hardly able to walk, let around run to safety. Severus was proctoring a final exam, and I found that I felt incredibly exposed sitting here in the hospital wing.

The doors burst open while I was trying to calm myself, and I was surprised to see Severus sprinting up the ward toward me. Had he run out of his final exam leaving his students unattended? He dropped to his knees in front of me, pulling me as tightly against his chest as he could manage considering the circumstances. His hands were moving all over any part of my body he could reach, as if he was ascertaining for himself that I was in fact still here.

"Oh thank God," he whispered into my shirt, and I was sure I was supposed to have heard him.

I held on to him tightly, and just kept pulling in as much air as I could, trying to keep from crying or freaking out. I couldn't process what was happening. I couldn't think straight through the fear that was clouding my mind.

"I'm so scared," I whispered to him.

"I'll protect you," he vowed, but we both knew that wasn't a promise he could make.

You can't hide from someone who is in control of the time stream. This was the worst nightmare that I had never even had coming to fruition. This man was using my own methods to defeat me, and I knew he would be successful, because I had been.

"I think I want to go home," I said, hoisting myself up off the bed. "Will you walk me back to our chambers?"

"Of course," he said, standing from his place on the floor, and weaving my arm through his.

We started walking toward the door, but we only made it halfway up the ward before the second scariest thing that could happen today took place. There was a splattering sound on the stone floor as my water broke and I turned my frightened eyes up to meet my husband's.

"Oh no," I moaned. "No, not now. Not yet."

"It's okay," he tried to assure me, rubbing my lower back and turning me back the other direction.

"No, I can't have a baby right now," I sobbed, trying to turn back the way we had been going. "I'll just have her later."

"Hermione, I don't think it works that way," Severus said patiently as he firmly but gently turned me away from the door. "Ellie's decided she wants to come now, so we have to do it now."

I burst into all out tears, but I let him lead me back to the little corner that had become our own. The sound of my tears drew Poppy back out of her office, and she bustled over to us rather quickly for such an aged woman. I tried to school myself into a calm demeanor so she wouldn't worry, but I was already too far over the precipice.

"What's going on?" Poppy asked Severus as he helped me to lower myself onto the bed behind the partition.

"Her water just broke," he explained as he started pulling my shoes off for me.

"Well let's get her changed, and we'll so how things are progressing," Poppy said calmly, opening the door on the bedside table to pull out a gown.

"It's too soon," I cried at her. "I'm only 38 weeks. She has to stay in longer."

"Many mothers deliver two weeks before their due date Hermione," she assured me as she pulled me up off the bed, and Severus unceremoniously pulled off my scrub pants.

"Hey," I snapped at him through a huffy breath. "Poppy is right there."

"Hermione, you're planning to do a water birth," Poppy pointed out patiently. "I'm going to deliver your baby, while you are naked in a pool. I was going to see it all eventually, and I've seen the important bits already."

"Well you don't need to see anything today," I sighed, trying and failing to bend over and grab my pants. "Because I am not having this baby today!"

"Maybe you aren't," she said in a soothing voice, like she was talking to an infant. "But we need to do an exam to see where we are with all of this alright?"

I nodded, scrubbing at my tears and trying to act like I was twenty not two. Severus leaned in to help me pull my scrub top off, and I loved him just a little bit more, when he shielded me with his body and reached over his shoulder for the gown Poppy was still holding. He helped me put it on, and when I was covered he helped me to remove my undergarments. With his help I climbed into the bed and even though the tears were still falling freely down my cheeks, I clamped my hand down tightly on his and tried to calm down.

"Have you been having pain?" Poppy asked me as she performed the physical exam.

"Yeah, I guess," I huffed trying once again to stop the tears. "My back has been tight or whatever for a couple days now."

"Okay," she said withdrawing her hands. "Well, you were most likely experiencing mild contractions, as you are already five centimeters dilated."

"Five?" I gasped, shocked to realized I was half way to active labor without even realizing it. "That can't be right. Check again."

"Hermione, I assure you my measurements are accurate," she said with a slight stiffness to her voice that alerted me to the fact that I had offended her with my rudeness.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude," I apologized, wiping away the last of my tears. "Five is only half way though, isn't there anyway to stall it? Maybe make my cervix undulate?"

"No Hermione," she sighed. "I cannot undulate your cervix. I assure you, this isn't too early. The baby is already full term, and should be perfectly healthy when delivered."

"Well, can I walk around or something for a while," I asked, annoyed with how petulant my voice sounded. "I just need to clear my head or something."

"Walk around the ward," she said, and I noted that she was looking at Severus instead of me. "And don't hesitate to sit down if the big contractions get started. Don't push when they happen."

"No problem," I agreed, perfectly content to cross my legs and hold this baby in for the next couple of years.

She walked away, pulling her gloves off as she went, and Severus helped me to pull myself back up out of the bed. I stood still for him while he tied all of the ties on my gown so I wouldn't be exposed. He linked our arms and began to lead me slowly around the wing.

"Is it too late to practice those breathing routines we were supposed to be working on?" he asked, keeping his voice light and cheery.

"I've been practicing them on my own for some time now," I assured him. "But now I think that time would have been better spent readying up on ways to keep from going in to labor all together."

Severus drew a breath like he was going to say something, but then suddenly he wasn't there. My arm wasn't wrapped in his, and I wasn't in the hospital wing. I was curled up in the corner of what looked to be some sort of cell, and I wasn't pregnant anymore. The memories started to trickle in, and what my past was now was practically the inverse of what I had known just seconds ago.

Now my memories told me that Severus had never come to the rescue this past summer. When I had made my bid for escape from Crouch, I hadn't been successful. Lucius had been present this time, and he had kicked the cup out of my reach before I could get away. I had been pinned to the ground and forced to watch as Severus was tortured and killed. I could remember with sickening clarity how I had been torn apart emotionally, and then they had torn me apart physically. In every way they could.

Then I was able to recognize the room I was in. It was a cell in a mental hospital. My memories were full of the actions of someone who had lost their mind. And how could I not have lost my mind? I began to tug at my hair, screaming out my agony, when the world changed around me once more.

I was standing in the hospital wing once more. My arms weren't wrapped around Severus because my hands were still tugging at my hair, and I was still screaming. I felt hands on my face, and my eyes snapped open. First I saw my pregnant belly, and then saw that it was Severus who was cradling my face.

"I'm here, I'm here," he chanted over and over again, pulling me into his chest as best he could.

Slowly I was able to stop screaming, and I released my hands from my hair. I was torn between the need to crawl inside of him to safety, and to run and hide in the corner of the room. I was so relieved to have him back, and yet the memory of those bodies on me remained and my skin was crawling. If I focused I could find in my mind that the time stream had been unraveled, something hadn't turned out quite the way Lucius had wanted it to, but it didn't make those memories any less real to me.

"Oh God," I choked into his robes, both because of what was replaying in my mind, and because a horrible wave of pain rolled through me.

The real contractions were starting.

"How much can you remember of that?" he whispered into my hair, thinking my words were only about the past.

"All of it," I panted, gripping his upper arms tightly as I hunched over against the pain. "You?"

"I assume all of it," he winced, holding still and allowing me to maintain my death grip on him. "Or did it go further than the mental institution?"

"No," I cried. "Owwwwwwww."

"Here," he said softly, sliding his arms free of my hands, and helping me to take a seat on the nearest bed. "I know it horrible, but we have to hold ourselves together. It isn't real. We have to keep it together for Ellie."

"It feels real," I whispered, clutching at my chest, as I felt the overwhelming fear begin to devour me once more. "I can still feel them, like it just happened. My skin is crawling."

"You are safe," he assured me, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. "They will never touch you. I promise you that."

"Severus I can't do this," I said shakily as the first of a new bout of tears began to fall. "We can't bring a baby into a world as unsafe as this one. They'll hurt her."

"We can, and we will," he said quietly. "Ellie is going to be born, and then we are going to protect her like the talented witch and wizard that we are."

I nodded my head, trying to agree with him, even when my heart didn't.

"Do you want to try and walk again, or would you like to lie down?" he asked me.

"Walk," I sniffled, and pulled myself out of bed.

We walked a small circle in between the beds. We had to stop occasionally as I was hit with another wave of pain. When the contractions hit, I would stop walking and gently rocked my hips from side to side attempting to soothe some of the pain. We kept up our routine, and the contractions grew steadily closer together.

"Stay in, stay in," I whispered to my belly as I hunched over rocking against the pain once more. "Just wait baby. Just wait. Not today, please not today."

"Sweetheart," Severus said as he kneeled before me to bring himself into my eye line. "I know you are afraid, but she's coming now. You can't convince the baby not to come."

"How can you be so calm?" I asked him, reaching out to grasp his shoulder when my knees nearly buckled.

"Because you need me to be," he said quietly. "I need to not be afraid so that you can lean on me. That's what marriage is all about."

I couldn't help myself, I started to bawl one more. I cried because of what a great man he was, I cried because of how afraid I was, and I cried because of how much pain I was in. He led me, blinded by my tears, back to the bed and helped me to lie down. Poppy appeared shortly after I was in position on the bed, ready to check how dilated I was now.

She gloved up, and jumped right in. I barely felt her hands moving around through yet another contraction. My focus was shot with the pain, but I was pretty sure the contractions were only a minute or two apart now.

"Ten centimeters," she said quietly. "You're progressing rapidly. I am going to fill the pool."

She stepped away, and I could hear the sound of running water, but I kept my eyes on Severus. I was taking deep breaths, attempting to contain the screams of agony my body was begging me to release. I was staring into his deep obsidian eyes when I felt the past shift yet again. I tried to keep focused on his eyes when the knowledge that the stone that had been destroyed in the headmaster's office had been a fake as well.

I felt my heart clench when my memories of my world adjusted to accommodate the fact that Lucius had replaced the stone before Crouch had taken me there. The events involving Crouch played out the way I remembered them from before, but now I could remember hearing through the grapevine that Lucius had broken open the stone, and released the soul trapped inside.

Now I could remember the world outside of Hogwarts growing darker as He Who Must Not Be Named began to build power once more. I could remember how the Order of the Phoenix had been reinstated, and I knew that I was a member alongside Severus, and out headquarters where in Sirius and Harry's home. I knew that Severus and I were big targets, overshadowed only by Albus Dumbledore and Harry Potter.

"Just keep breathing," Severus told me when the new memories stopped washing over me. "Just stay calm, and hopefully it will pass in just a few minutes."

I bit my lip, struggling to find any air whatsoever. I tried to wait for the memories to fade away, but I was distracted by the rolling pains in my abdomen that reminded me that our baby wasn't waiting.

"No Ellie, no, no, no," I chanted at her. "You can't come. Not now. Please baby please."

"Shh, shh, shh," Severus soothed, pulling me up into a sitting position so he could cradle me against him.

"You can do this. We can do this."

"No Severus," I cried, latching onto his robes, and rocking myself when the pain seemed to grow into one long pain, leaving me unable to distinguish waves anymore.

"The pool is ready," Poppy said from what seemed like a very long distance. "Let's get Momma in the water.

"No, I won't get in there," I argued, struggling feebly to push Severus away from me when he tried to hoist me up. "No, this baby isn't being born today."

"In the bed, or in the tub," Poppy chided. "Either way the baby is coming Hermione."

I was going to tell her no again, but my voice was cut off by my keening cry as it felt like I was ripped in two. Apparently Ellie agreed that she was coming today.

"I can't do this," I sobbed into Severus's robes, when he succeed in standing me up "Please don't make me do this."

"I'll help you every step of the way," he vowed, as he deftly undid the back of my gown and slid it off of me. "We're going to do this together okay?"

I nodded my head, and let him lead me over to the pool. The tears didn't stop, and the fear didn't go away, but I let him help me to climb into the pool full of warm water. I felt my muscles relax a bit, which helped microscopically with the pain, as I lowered my body down into the water. I squatted there in the water, panting, and crying, and absolutely refusing to push even though I could hear Poppy telling me too.

The water was disturbed around me, and suddenly black robes were floating in the water around me, and I felt him slide into position behind my back. He held me against him, and he whispered words of encouragement in my ear. He told me to push, and to breath, and he held onto my tightly. He kept me rooted to him here in the present, and somehow managed to calm me enough that I started to push.

I gripped his thighs tightly, and I pushed with everything I had. My tears flowed freely, and I vaguely registered tears falling on my shoulder that had to be coming from Severus. We cried, and I pushed, and there was so much pain, but then suddenly there was a baby. I scooped her up out of the water on instinct and held her to my chest. Severus lowered us into a seated position and for the first time since we had climbed into the water I noticed Poppy.

She worked swiftly to cut the umbilical cord, and cast a cleansing spell on the baby. All of the gunk that had clung to our little girl disappeared, and she cooed quietly before latching on to my breast. I gasped at the feel of our baby girl eating for the first time, and leaned back into Severus. Poppy cast another spell, and the water cleared around us. I knew intellectually that that she had done away with all of the after birth, but I was too drained to remember what the spell for that was.

All I could focus on was Severus holding me while I held our baby. Even in the middle of this terribly frightening new world, here we were in a moment of perfection. Our baby was here, and for now all of us were safe.

"Hello baby," I crooned at her. "My beautiful Elizabeth."

"She's perfect," Severus rumbled possessively in my ear as he pulled me more tightly against him. "Just like her mother."

 **Ch8: Songs for this chapter: Sunday Bloody Sunday by Paramore and Figure.09 by Linkinpark and Operate by Peaches**

 **SPOV**

My daughter was beautiful, radiant even. Looking at her wrapped in the arms of my wife was an image I would treasure for the rest of my life. And I was going to have to treasure it, because I got the impression such blissful images were about to become few and far between.

While I snuggled up with my two girls, our little bubble was invaded by Albus Dumbledore, who strode into the ward with a look of absolute devastation on his face. He saw Hermione with her arms wrapped around out little pink bundle of joy and his steps falter, but he kept coming.

"Will you introduce me?" he asked quietly, and we both knew that wasn't why he was here, but appreciated the gesture of acknowledging our daughter.

"This is Elizabeth Marie Snape," Hermione said quietly from where she lay in the bed, clutching our baby tight to her chest. "She was so eager to get here, that she decided to drop in two weeks early."

"Well we are delighted to have her," Albus said, a smile shining through his eyes before his face fell once more. "I know the timing is awful, but I need to borrow your husband Mrs. Snape."

I could practically hear her heart start racing, but she nodded with a neutral face giving her permission. Albus moved away from the bed, and I followed behind him as he took me out of Hermione's hearing range. Nothing this man could intend to say to me right now could be good, but I marched forward with a stiff upper lip, as would be expected from a former spy.

"Severus, you know I wouldn't not come to you if it could be avoided," Albus began solemnly.

"Need I remind you that my debt has been paid," I said stiffly, but as respectfully as I could man. "I have no master."

"Are you certain of that?" he asked, moving swiftly for a man of his age, and snatching my forearm to pull my robe sleeve up.

"The fact that you were able to grab my arm without getting our hand cursed off is proof enough that I am far too out of practice to do whatever it is you are about to ask of me," I said stiffly staring at the dark mark that once again marred my skin. "I've grown too… soft, to be your spy."

"I am not asking you to be a spy," Albus said stiffly. "Lucius is at the right arm of Tom, your allegiance will be quite clear to him."

"My only allegiance is to my wife," I scathed. "And my daughter."

"And who do believe if first on the list to be exterminated," Albus replied coldly. "It couldn't possibly be the woman responsible for capturing Tom's soul to begin with."

With great difficultly I resisted the urge to strike him. He was playing dirty, and yet I could not ignore his words. Hermione's head was even further on the chopping block than mine was, and I would go on whatever mission the blasted man sent me on to keep her safe.

"I have scent for your house elf," Albus continued when I did not speak. "He will see to the protection of your family while you are away."

"A house elf, really?" I snapped, once again losing control of the anger that was boiling beneath my skin. "You want me to go off into the night under your orders, while a house elf protects my family."

"No, your house elf will see to the hiding of your family," Albus pointed out with strained patience. "Or do you not remember which elf it is that you hired after all?"

As if responding to being spoken of Dobby appeared with a crack beside us. He stood tall for his tiny frame, but I could see the nerves in the little creature's eyes. He was afraid of something.

"Dobby knows places to hide from Master Malfoy," the elf pointed out quietly.

Of course, Dobby had previously belonged to Lucius.

"Do you know how to hide from the Dark Lord?" I asked him quietly.

"I will take Mistress Snape and little missus Snape to a place only elves can go," he told me, squaring his shoulders with more confidence. "We will not be found Master."

I nodded stiffly, feeling my heart clench as I fought the urge to tell him to defend my family with his life if he had too. This elf was not my slave, and I would not treat him as such. I had to trust that he would hide her well enough, and I had to do my part in ending this newly birthed war before harm could befall any of them.

"I need a moment with my family before you take them," I said to both of them as I swept back up the ward.

Hermione had drifted off to sleep, our baby girl still cradled against her chest. I knew she was exhausted after the terrifying day we had, and I truly wished I could let her sleep. I wished that everything was peaceful like it had been just 24 hours ago. I reached out a tentative to shake her shoulder, and she jumped awake the second my hand made contact with her. Her eyes were full of fear, but they settled slightly when she saw it was me.

"Severus," she whispered painfully, stealing the secrets from my face before I could say anything to her.

"You have to go into hiding," I said, my voice betraying my emotions. "Both of you."

"I'm staying with you," she argued.

"You can't, you have to heel," I said quietly, biting the inside of my cheek when I felt my eyes burn. "Ellie will need someone to care for her."

"Come with us then," she begged me, her lower lips trembling.

"I cannot," I said in a rush as my chest deflated with the weight of what I had to do. "I have a job to do first."

"When are you leaving me?" she asked, her voice breaking.

I clenched my fists until I felt my nails tearing into my flesh. Her words hurt more than I could ever explain, but I could not break now. I drew a breath, schooling my emotions, and letting go of the man that would be hurt by her malformed sentence.

"I will leave here tonight," I explained in a dead voice. "Shortly after Dobby takes you into hiding."

She nodded, the tears beginning to stream from her eyes. I knew she wouldn't say anything else. She didn't have to make noise for me to understand that her voice was strangled by her fear and sadness. I leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead, and then another gently on the head of our sleeping daughter. Then I turned my back on the loves of my life, and I swept out of the ward. I would not watch to see where Dobby took them so the information could not be tortured out of me in the future. Albus followed me silently until the doors to the hospital wing swung shut behind us.

"Severus, you know what I must ask of you," he said finally as we began to descend the stairs.

"Lucius," I said flatly. It wasn't a question.

"Yes," he sighed, but I saw the tiniest smile on his features no matter what his voice sounded like. "Lucius must first be taken out of the equation, and if you manage to alter the numbers in any other way during your mission…"

He let that hang in the air between us. He deluded himself into thinking he was too good of a man to suggest that I take down as many Death Eaters as I could tonight. Just like he wouldn't admit to himself or me that he had low expectations of my return tonight. I was heading into a snake pit, and while I might behead a few for my trouble, it was unlikely I would survive. My only hope for survival was to shut down, and allow the darkest part of my soul take charge for tonight.

"The manor is their headquarters," he instructed quietly as he opened the door that lead out onto the grounds.

I did not answer him. I simply slipped out into the darkness of the night, leaving my former friend in the entrance hall along with my soul. I drew my wand from within my robes, and turned on the spot. I left behind Hogwarts, and everything that meant, and I travelled through space to bring myself to the gates of the Malfoy manner.

My instincts told me something was wrong the second I arrived. There wasn't a single light on in or around the house. It was pitch black other than the weak light of the moon. There was no sound, save for a few crickets somewhere in the garden. It did not appear there was anyone here. I moved through the gate, suspecting a trap when they allowed me easy entrance. But no soul sprung from the darkness to attack me. Was it possible Albus had been wrong?

I lowered into a defensive crouch when I saw a ball of light shooting toward me. My wand was drawn ready to defend, but the ball of light stopped before me and unfurled into the form of a silver cat. I kept my wand at the ready, but I straightened up to hear what Minerva's message was.

"The castle is under attack," the cat said in the strict professor's voice. "Albus is dead. Come quickly."

I felt the bile rise in my throat as a terrifying realization hit me. The time stream had only just been altered. How in the world would Albus have known where the base of operations for the other side were so quickly?

"He wouldn't you bloody fool," I shouted at myself as I apparated back to the gates of the castle.

I saw the flashes of light on the grounds, and hear the screams of the fleeing students. An all-out attack was being waged on the unprepared school. How could I have been so stupid? I sprinted up toward the castle with my wand drawn. I shot shields up around every student I saw while shooting curses at any death eater I saw. I should have stopped to better defend the school, but my heart was clenching in demand that I be somewhere else.

I needed to find the man masquerading as Albus, and more importantly I needed to find my family. Battle was waging inside the castle as well, and I caught my first of the Hogwarts staff fighting valiantly to defend the school. I shot a curse at the man dueling Minerva and swept up to her when he fell.

"Where is Albus?" I asked her.

"I found him dead in his office," she ground out, clutching her left arm to stem the blood that was flowing from her wound.

"The imposter I mean," I snapped, unable to care for her at a moment like this. "The one who sent me to Malfoy manner in the first place."

"I don't know, I don't know," Minerva said, and then she slumped to the ground, hit by a curse from behind.

I hit her attacker with a curse, as I ducked to miss his second attack. When the masked death eater fell, I quickly placed a stasis charm on Minerva to keep the dark curse from spreading until someone could take care of her. I swept up what was left of the marble staircase and went to the only place I could go at a time like this.

I sprinted to the hospital wing, but it still seemed to take me a life time to cover the distance. I hopped over a body that looked an awful lot like Pomona as I rounded the last corner that would bring me to where I wanted to be. I closed in on the open doorway to the wing, and my heart froze in my chest. Dobby lay motionless in a pool of blood on the ground, with a silver dagger handle protruding from his chest.

I stepped over him, trying to swallow the dread that was climbing up my throat at the realization that they had never made it out of the hospital wing. I had to pass the fallen body of Poppy before I saw it. On the floor, in between the bed I had left her in and the one beside it, was a heap of blue gown clad flesh. I stumbled blindly forward, the full extent of it coming into focus. On the floor, unmoving, Hermione's body lay draped over the equally unmoving form of our tiny baby.

I felt my knees give out from beneath me, as I suck to the ground beside my slain family. It was easy to see that Hermione had died trying to save our daughter, and the flicker of familiarity to another Gryffindor woman was drowned out by the suffocating grief that was tearing me apart. I gave in to the weakness and allowed myself to cry as I clutched at Hermione in vain.

The tears were still wet on my cheek when I released the fabric of her hospital gown and rose to my feet. I brushed them away robotically as I swept out of the ward in search of the man pretending to be the headmaster. I hardly saw my surroundings as I stalked through the hallways. I ignored every student or order member I saw, and cast the killing curse on anyone I saw wearing a silver mask. I followed the instinct that the next target after Hermione would be Harry, and climbed higher in the castle with the intent to intercept the attacker before they made it to Gryffindor tower to search for him. I caught sight of the silvery hair and the long swishing robes as I entered the seventh floor corridor.

"Albus," I called, schooling my voice to sound as respectful as I could manage in order to keep the imposter under the impression that I thought he was the real headmaster. "I've only just made it back from the manner."

He allowed me to come closer to him, seemingly convinced I was still on his side.

"And?" he asked as I rapidly closed the distance between us.

"Lucius wasn't there," I said in my most regretful town. "But I managed to slay his wife and child while I was there."

The momentary arch of his brow gave him away, and I knew my suspicions were correct.

"That's just the way you like it, isn't it Lucius?" I hissed as I jabbed my wand into his throat and rammed him into the wall.

"Severus," he gasped. "Have you lost your mind? I am Albus Dumbledore."

I laughed maniacally at his attempt to keep up the charade.

"Albus is dead!" I shouted at him, and with a twitch of my wand, and a flash of green light, I sent Lucius to join everyone that had been slain tonight.

I yanked his stolen beard to the side and reached inside the neck of his robes. Hanging there, well hidden by his disguise as the headmaster, was the time turner. I ripped it viciously from his neck, and then I stood over his body frozen in my indecision. How far did I go back? What all did I undo? What if I somehow erased our child? I wished desperately that I had Hermione with me now. She was the only person who really understood the fine art of time travel.

In the end I settled for going back just far enough to stop tonight from happening. I gave three quick turns and let time pull me back far enough to stop any of this from happening. I sent my patronus to the real headmaster telling him to meet me in the hospital wing straight away and then I made my way there myself.

I knew I was about to walk in on myself helping Hermione change into dry clothing, and settle into bed while Poppy cared for our daughter, but I would be busting into the ward anyway. I had no worries about what my other self would think, but I was afraid of sending Hermione back into the hysterics she would just be coming out of. This day had been so stressful for her already, how was I supposed to tell her that not changing something meant she would end up dead before the night was over?

Albus and I met at the doors to the ward, sharing a brief nod as I pushed open the door and revealed the complexity of the situation to him. He looked between the version of me that was pulling the blankets around Hermione, and where I was holding the door open.

"Where did you get a time turner?" he asked me as we entered the ward, immediately drawing the attention of everyone else.

"I pulled it off of the dead body of Lucius Malfoy," I said icily. "But that is of little consequence right now. Right now we need to figure out how we keep him from killing you, and launching an attack on the school that ends with Hermione and Ellie dead."

His stride faltered, but he managed to keep pace with me as we walked up to Hermione and myself. They watched us with wary eyes, and in any other situation I would have laughed when I saw Poppy nearly wet herself when she walked over with the baby and saw two fathers waiting for her.

"How?" was all Hermione said.

"Later," I assured her quietly. "For now we need to do some more time travel. Right now, an attack on the castle is brewing and we need to stop it."

"And you came for me, because you don't know where to go?" Hermione said tiredly from the bed.

"I do have a brilliant wife," the other me said with a light humor, only he could offer, not yet having experienced this night, still riding the high of his daughter coming into this world. "I will go alert the staff to erect defenses around the castle while the rest of you plot out how you will alter the course of history."

I watched him sweep out of the room, and I wondered if my robes always billowed out behind me like that briefly before turning my eyes back to my wife. I prayed she had the right answer, because I was to paralyzed by the fear of losing her to make the decision here.

 **Ch9: Songs for this chapter: Gone Away by Lucy Schwartz and Alive by Superchick**

 **HPOV**

I was drained, physically and emotionally. All I wanted to do was hold my baby, but instead I was being asked to return to using the time turner in an effort to stop a new war. I could barely hold my eyes open, let alone try to think about which move was the best for ending it all. Lucius needed to be dealt with, but so did He Who Must Not Be Named. I couldn't make the right choice, I was too drained, but I took the time turner from his extended hand anyway.

I looked to Severus, to ask him if I had time to rest before this all went to hell in a hand bag, but when I turned my eyes too him I saw him flinch as if someone had hit him, and lean forward like he was nursing a sour stomach.

"Severus?" I asked my concern clear in my voice.

"Hermione," he gasped, leaning forward to grip the foot of the bed in an effort to remain upright.

When his hands met the white blanket on the bed, I realized two things. The first was that his stomach was bleeding, and he was leaving bloody handprints on the bed. The second was that he was beginning to fade around the edges.

"Are you not the Severus from the future?" I asked him, desperate for that to be the reason he was disappearing before my eyes.

"No I am," he ground out. "What is happening?"

"I believe your other self may have been gravely injured," Albus said from behind Severus.

I watched helplessly as Severus disappeared completely, and my heart tore apart at the realization that Albus was right. The only way the present Severus would disappear like that was if he had died in the past, and thus was not able to travel through time. I gripped the blankets around me fighting against the wail of agony I felt building up inside of me.

"Albus, will you protect my child?" I asked in a dead voice as I pulled myself up and out of the bed. "Poppy I need you to facilitate a more rapid recovery, and I will need an invigorating draught if I am going to get through this."

"Perhaps we should wait until you have rested," Poppy hedged quietly. "We can make more effective plans for both you and Ellie."

"Poppy, you of all people understand the devastation of losing a spouse," I whispered, the weight on my chest stealing my voice. "Surely you don't believe I would be able to sleep right now?"

She nodded stiffly, and went to retrieve what I would need. If I could feel anything other than devastation I would have been grateful for her cooperation.

"I'd appreciate it if you agree to protect my daughter," I said turning my attention back to Albus.

"Without hesitation," he told me, looking at me with sad blue eyes. "When do you intend to go?"

"This fall," I sighed, rubbing my hand over my eyes. "I need to leave the destruction of the stone intact, and I don't want to alter when the wedding happens, for personal reasons of course. So I will wait until after that to remove the threat."

His nod was stiff, and the reality of what I was about to do hung heavily in between us. I wished he would offer to do it instead but ever the chess master, he was unable to tell another of his pawns to do anything other than be a pawn. I would trade the integrity of my soul to bring back my husband, and I would let this man think whatever he wished about it. It felt like my soul had shattered already anyway so I felt no need to protect it.

Poppy returned then and handed over two vials. One said Invigorating draught in Severus's cramped writing and the other said Vitamix potion. I took them, in rapid succession, breathing a sigh of relief when I felt energy begin to course through me. I closed my eyes, letting the feeling revive me from the exhausted place I had been in, and I heard Poppy casting the spells that would heal any tearing or injury left over from labor. I knew she was saying them aloud so I would hear what they were, but I wasn't listening.

My mind was focused only on what I was about to do. I placed a gentle kiss on the sleeping head of my little Ellie, and then I put the time turner over my head, focused on the fall day in which I intended to go, taped my wand against the hourglass, cast the spell silently, and gave it a turn. I felt the once familiar feeling of time flowing like water over my skin, and like I had occasionally in the past, I moved physically forward while I was pulled backward through time. By the time I reached the moment in the past I was going to I was already standing by the doors to the hospital wing.

I was still within the time frame of when the wards on the school had been partially lifted, so I turned on the spot, focusing my mind on the wizarding prison. It was supposed to be terribly difficult to break out of, but I was hoping it wouldn't be nearly as difficult to break in to it. For a second the pressure of space was added to the pressure of loss in my body, but then I was standing at the base of the massive and forlorn building.

I could the dementors sweeping around, and I vaguely felt the way they sucked the joy from the air. I felt them from a distance, and they hardly seemed able to register my presence. What could they pull from me to feed themselves? I was empty of happiness or hope, I may as well be invisible to them. So I drew my wand on the off chance they would suddenly notice me, and I made my way into the front of the prison. The entrance wasn't even locked, it was plain that there was no fear of a break out here. Idiots.

I went in through the front door, and then I began the slow process of peering into each cell that I passed, looking for the men I was targeting. I had no idea what the system was for where each prisoner was located, and it wasn't like I could ask the guards. The inmates weren't in the condition to be asked either. They were all in different states of mental undress. Some seemed comatose, others were crying, others were screaming. I looked at them long enough to ascertain if they were the men I was looking for, and then I moved on without bothering to feel anything for them. For all I knew I would be joining them shortly, and if that were the case, I would allow myself to feel for them then.

I climbed slowly to the third floor, checking each cell as I went, and I finally found Peter Pettigrew. There was a tiny window in the door that allowed me to see him curled up like a ball in the corner of his bed. I noted that his cell did not have any bars, and that his cell was meant to hold him even if he transfigured himself back into the form of the rat. I scoffed at how simple it had been for him to overcome that stipulation, and then I blasted the glass out of the window pane. His head snapped around to find the source of the sound, and I stared into his fearful eyes as I stuck my wand through the new opening.

"Advada Kedavra," I said icily, not so much as flinching when the green flash of light filled the air between us.

He slumped against the wall with a gush of the air releasing from his lungs. I cast a quick reparo to replace the glass in the window, so as not to draw any extra attention to the area, and then I continued on my search. I was surprised by how little I felt after killing him. I was methodical and cold as I moved forward. I was aware that the presence of the dementors was growing denser around me. That meant I was entering the level with high risk prisoners, and it also meant that I was close enough to feel the effect a little more strongly.

I ignored the whispers of the words I had heard Albus say as Severus began to disappear before me in the hospital wing, and moved a little more quickly through my search for Lucius Malfoy. When I reached the fifth floor, I found his cell, right by the stairs. So easy to escape from when you have someone to open the door for you. And his cell door had bars, so I didn't even have to break the glass to get to him.

I stepped in front of his door, revealing myself without concern for my wellbeing. He turned to look me shock splashing onto his face before being wiped away by fear. He knew there was nowhere to hide, and no way to defend himself. He stood and faced me with his chin jutting up toward the ceiling, and somehow managed to retain some of his former regality even in shabby robes, underweight, with his hair a mess. If I still had my soul, I might have felt bad for what I was about to do. But where my soul used to be there only seemed to be blackness and hate. I let that dark passenger take over as I raised my wand, and I once again cast the killing curse.

The green light flashed and the man who had caused so much strife in my life fell to ground in a graceless heap. It literally felt like something inside of me cracked when he fell. I was fairly sure that I had actually felt my soul break into a smaller piece. I shook that thought from my mind, and I began to descend out of the prison before dementors could realize either that two of their inmates were no longer with them, or that I was present.

I had one last thing to do before my work with this timeline was done, and that would require aparating once more. I didn't want to send yet another strong magical signal that might draw the guards to me. I moved at a brisk pace down the five flights of stairs, and right back out of the front door. When my feet touched down on the wilted brown grass of the sad little island I turned to the side, pulling myself once more into the space between time and location. I drug myself from Azkaban to the atrium of the ministry of magic. I hoped I wouldn't be returning shortly, but I couldn't be sure.

The sun had set while I had searched the prison, so there were very few people left in building to see me. I slid behind the phone booth that sat in the corner, hardly able to feel the confusion at such a muggle contraption being present. I cast a quick disillusionment charm on myself so the few witches and wizards left wouldn't see me as I moved amongst them.

When I was sufficiently invisible, and began my search for the time turners. I knew they were in the department of mysteries, and I knew from sitting trial here at the ministry that the entrance to the department of mysteries was on the same floor. I just had to figure out where in the department the time turners were kept. I slid inside one of the elevators as an old tired witch exited and waited for the doors to clang shut leaving me along inside.

As soon as I was alone I instructed the elevator to take me down to the ninth level as quietly as I could, and held tightly to the overhead supports so I wouldn't be tossed around like a ragdoll. The lift moved quickly and in what seemed like the blink of an eye I was stepping out into the shiny black marble hallway that would lead me to my destination.

It was eerily quiet with no one present down on this basement floor, but I tried to ignore the echoing sound of my footsteps as I hurried down the corridor looking for the door I had seen on my way to the court room. It was down at the end of a short hallway on the left, and again I seemed to reach the door more quickly than I expected. I wondered if the loss of part of my soul destroyed my ability to keep proper track of time.

I threw open the door, not so much as flinching as the darkness within, and stepped inside. I felt the lack of ground beneath me, and while the breath caught in my chest I didn't panic. I silenced cast the spell to slow my fall, and came to rest gently on the circular floor at the base of the chamber. Blue lanterns burned to life, revealing multiple doors to me. I had a second to analyze them before the wall began to spin, and the doors disappeared in a blur. Eventually the wall began to slow, and come to a stop, revealing the doors to me once more. I could see how the rotation of the wall could be an issue when I had no way to tell which door had been where previously.

I walked forward to try the door directly in front of me, and I discovered that the door was in fact locked. I tried a basic aloromora, but it had no effect on the lock. I placed my hand against the wood of the door, trying to sense the wards that were locking it, and I was surprised to feel how warm the door was. My arm trembled as the warmth spread up my arm the longer I was in contact with the door. I leaned into the door, drawn by the contentment that seemed to radiate through my body as I leaned in closer, pressing my body flush with the door.

I only knew the rumors about what was researched here in the department of mysteries, but I could feel what was coming from this room, and I found myself unable to just walk away from it. I wanted more than anything to enter this room that felt so much like the embrace that Severus would share with me right now if he could. I wanted to enter that room because I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that what was waiting behind this door was pure and undiluted love. I wanted desperately to open the door, but I could not decipher the wards.

I stepped away from the door when I realized that it was likely I was no longer worthy of what stood behind that door. Or at least I lacked the soul needed to break down the wards. Whatever the issue, I wouldn't be getting through that door. And that door wasn't why I was here in the first place. I began to reach out for the next door over, but the wall spun once more, and I cursed under my breath. I should have maker the door in case something like this happened, but I hadn't been thinking.

When the wall came to a stop once more I reached blindly for the nearest door, offering up a silent prayer that I wouldn't end up picking the same door this time. I knew it was at least a different door the second my hand grasped the door handle and it turned easily in my hand. I was fairly sure I had the right room the second I pushed the door open and saw a clock just inside the door. I stepped into the room, and I was greeted with the sight of many more clocks.

There was dim lighting in the room, broken up by the refracted sparkling light coming from an oversized bell jar at the end of the long room. I ignored it, and started looking for the time turners instead. There were so many clocks that it felt a bit like searching for a needle in a hay stack, but as I worked my way back toward that bell jar I found a rack on the wall with all of the time turners hanging on it.

I pulled the one hanging inside of my robes out to compare it to the group hanging before me. The sand in mine had the tiniest of a green tint to it, and this left me able to match it up to its twin hanging before me. I carefully pulled it off of the rack and hid it safely in my pocket to save it from what I was about to do. When I was sure it was safe from being broken, I pulled the rack off on the wall.

One of the time turners shattered on impact, but the rest of them remained intact. I stomped on each one until there were thirteen broken time turners on the floor at my feet. When I was sure the only time turner left in existence, and its twin, were on my person, I was ready to go back to my present time. I took my time turner in hand, and silently cast the spell that would bring me back.

I tapped my wand against it, and I felt the liquid feeling of time changing around me. The room shifted out of focus at the same time that my pocket grew lighter. When the world focused back in, I was standing in the hospital wing once more, and I was only in possession of one time turner. I took the last one inexistence from around my neck and I threw it onto the ground shattering it as well.

"Hermione, why are you wearing a hospital gown?" Poppy asked me, looking up from where she was making a bed at the end of the ward.

I started to answer her, and then I was hit with the memories of how the last year had been changed by what I had done. I remembered the announcement that two prisoners had been killed at Azkaban. I remembered the in-depth investigation meant to discover who had been responsible for their deaths. Then came October 15th when I had been called in for questioning. It had been decided that I wasn't involved, and I had returned home the next day free of worry. The memories of the rest of the somewhat uneventful year of studying under Poppy filtered through my mind without catching my attention, because the weight of the fact that I had not been present at the castle with Severus on the night we had conceived our daughter was crashing in to me. I ran my hands down my abdomen feeling that my body was fit and slim like it had been before the pregnancy, like there had never been a pregnancy.

I met Poppy's gaze, trying to find some way to explain what I was doing here, looking like this, but the words seemed to catch in my throat. I attempted to draw a breath, but instead I hunched over and got violently ill on the floor without saying a word to my mentor.

"Well I guess that's why," she said with a humorless chuckle as she hurried over to me, drawing her wand to banish the pile of sick while she closed the distance between us.

"Is Severus here?" I asked her hoarsely as I reached blindly behind me, feeling for a bed to sit on.

"He's teaching right now," she told me quietly. "Should I send for him?"

I wanted him, but should I send for him? As far as he knew we were a happily married couple who had never been pregnant to begin with. Could I really cause his heart to break the way my heart was breaking right now?

"No," I answered Poppy and myself. "Maybe I should just rest."

She nodded, and helped me to climb into the nearest bed. I buried my face in the pillow, holding my breath to keep from bursting into tears, and Poppy pulled the blanket up to my shoulders. She bustled off to her office, and I clenched my fists under my pillow trying to fight off the suffocating feeling that was slowly over taking my body.

I couldn't believe what I had done. I had alter time so irresponsibly that I had erased the existence of my daughter. And I had hastily gotten rid of all of the time turners, without taking the possibility of a mistake into consideration. I had broken them all, and now I was stuck in this present, without my child, and unable to do anything about it. What had I done?

 **Ch10: Songs for this chapter: SPOV: I Choose Happiness by David Choi and HPOV: Fire and Rain by James Taylor and Song For The Painter by Lost In The Trees**

 **SPOV**

"Severus?" I heard a voice calling from out in the living room.

"Yes?" I called out, setting down the meatball I had been forming, and wrapping my hands up in a dish towel as I walked out into the living room.

"Hermione is ill," Poppy's head explained from the floo. "I can't seem to find anything wrong with her though. I was wondering if you might come and examine her for something I might be missing."

"I'll be up straight away Poppy," I told her, concerned but not overwhelmed when she seemed relatively calm.

I walked back into the kitchen and put all of the meatballs I had made into a pan and draped the hand towel over them so they weren't exposed, and then quickly washed my hands off in the sink. As soon as my hands were dry I scooped my wand up off the counter and walked at a brisk pace out of our chambers. It didn't take long to traverse the hidden passageways that would deliver me to the doors of the hospital wing in record time.

I felt the change in atmosphere the second I entered the ward. I could see Poppy through the open door in her office with a book out searching what I assumed was an index of symptoms attempting to diagnose Hermione. And I could see the subject of Poppy's worry in a bed half up the ward. What I felt radiating off of her however was not illness, it was pain.

Her figure, thought obscured partially by the blanket that was draped over her, was rigid as if her muscles were locked in place, holding herself tightly. If I didn't see the choppy rise and fall of her back that told me she was breathing I might think she was petrified. I moved at a swifter pace, wondering what had caused such anguish in my wife, and when I stepped in front of her bed I heard a crunch under my foot. I stooped to see what I had stepped on and found the remnants of a ruined time turner. What had she gone back for? And how had she come into a possession of a time turner anyway?

I vanished the bits of broken glass, twisted metal, and grains of sand, and then I moved up to the head of the bed. Her face was buried in the pillow, and I could see that her hands were hidden away under the pillow. I gently pulled her up and away from the pillow, somewhat surprised that her back remained rigid, and she attempted to keep me from seeing her face. I rolled her so her back was against the bed, and lowered her back down onto the pillow.

"Severus," she cried, her spine almost seeming to snap as the rigidity fell away and she crumpled in my arms.

"I'm here," I soothed, pulling her into my arms as I sat down on her bed.

I had the vaguest memory that I might have been dead at one point, but it only seemed as real as a half remembered dream so I couldn't be sure. I wondered though, if that was why she was upset. That would have given her a reason to go after a time turner wouldn't it? Or perhaps I was being a bit conceded…

"You're alive," she whispered into my robes like a quiet prayer, and I felt confirmation of the illusion of memory.

"What happened?" I asked her.

She immediately stiffened in my arms, seeming to hold her breath for moment. Her back slumped once more, and I pulled her closer to me.

"You were gone," she huffed, and I could hear the pain she wasn't telling me about in her voice. "I had to go back and fix it. I couldn't just leave it. I couldn't choose to leave you dead."

"You don't have to explain it to me," I assured her, rubbing soothing circles into her lower back. "I'm glad you went back for me."

The air was heavy between us, and I felt the weight of the question of what she had to change to bring me back settle in between us. I wanted to ask her what it was, but I didn't want to upset her anymore. She already seemed so torn up, and I just wanted her to be happy.

It seemed so strange to see her unhappy when she had been so bright and cheerful when she had left to work with Poppy this morning. We'd spent our breakfast talking about whether or not we wanted to take a vacation before returning to Spinner's end in a few days, but that girl that had eaten breakfast with me didn't seem to be in the building.

"Why don't we go home?" I asked her after a long silence between us. "I can take you back to Spinner's End even. If that's what you want."

"Let's just go to our chambers," she said in a raspy voice after another long silence. "I'd just like to have a lie in I think."

I took her hand, and we walked slowly out of the hospital wing. Poppy didn't stop s, and I wondered if she had known that Hermione wasn't really sick the entire time. Hermione didn't speak as we walked, and she seemed to drag her feet just a bit as we moved through the halls. I tried to stay buoyant and happy like I had been before rushing up to the hospital wing, but a weight was creeping into my chest that felt so much like the weight of last summer it was striking. I felt like I was walking with the Hermione who had just been attacked by Crouch Jr. Was that the time she had gone back too.

When we entered the chambers, I placed Hermione gingerly on the couch, and went to finish the dinner I had been making for her before I had been summoned. I peeked in to the living room occasionally as I worked, and I saw here each time sitting on the settee staring off into space, unmoving, seeming almost to be a statue. She was there every time, until she wasn't. I was so startled by her disappearance from the couch that I hurried out into the living room to check on her.

I saw she was walking into our joint office for a brief second before the door closed behind her. I thought about following her, but it somehow seemed wrong. Hermione never closed doors in either of our homes unless there was a reason.

I turned my back on that closed door that said more than Hermione had told meal night, and returned to the kitchen. I hummed to myself, trying to bring back the light mood of the day, so I might be able to bring Hermione along with me when she chose to emerge from the office.

-`-'-

 **HPOV**

I was hiding from Severus, that much was for certain, but I couldn't be sure if he really knew what I was hiding. His memories, thought we hadn't discussed them, clearly didn't include the fact that we had once been parents to a beautiful daughter. My best guess at that was that erasing the events that led up to conception somehow brushed away any reference to a flicker of her memory. Which should have made it easier, he couldn't hate me for killing someone he never knew, but it just made it worse. The only person who could remember Ellie was the person who got rid of her. It seemed awfully unjust.

I couldn't even bring myself to look in the mirror. I was so full of guilt over the feeling that I had aborted my child's life. I couldn't look at me, but I had to allow others to so there would not be questions as to what had happen. Questions would lead to the discovery of just how rotten I was.

And that was why I had started lying, and pretending to be someone I wasn't. I got up each morning and I did yoga with Severus, even though I had to keep my eyes closed so he couldn't see that I had yet to bring my emotions under control for the day. I showered on my own most days, though I occasionally went through the motions of showering with Severus. I made all the right noises, and moved all the right ways, so he didn't seem to realize that I felt unworthy of pleasure.

When I was dressed for the day I would eat breakfast with my husband, and make small talk about the daily prophet, and then I would head up to the hospital wing in my black and pink scrubs, and I would smile, and nod, and learn everything I could from Poppy. When I ended my shift with her I would go on a walk around the castle. It was a bind unthinking thing, and yet somehow I always ended up at the room of requirement, and I always left with something. I would shrink it down and put it in my pocket, and sneak it back to our quarters.

I would hide my little trinket, returned to its normal size, somewhere in our quarters, and then I would join my husband at the table for dinner. If he had noticed that clocks seemed to be springing up around the flat he didn't say anything. I knew he hadn't seen my other trinkets, which allowed me to pretend everything was still normal.

I would go for my run on my own after dinner, knowing that Severus did his calisthenics right there in the sitting room while I was gone. I wouldn't think while I ran, it was too dangerous, knowing I would have to return to Severus, and appear normal while doing it. When I returned we would read together, or discuss our day, or do any other causal married interaction. And then we would go to bed.

Once we were settled into the bed, and Severus's breathing had evened out into the sounds of sleep. Then I would think about Ellie. I would let myself feel the guilt, and the pain, and the anger that she was gone. While my husband slept peacefully beside me I would burry my face in my pillow and I would cry for my lost child. I would berate myself with mental images of who she could have been, what she might have looked like, how she would have acted. I cried and cried until I fell asleep. Grabbing a few hours of painful dreaming before I woke up and did it all again.

One time, the night before we left the castle to return to Spinner's End I allowed myself to enter the office again. I had forced myself to stay away after that first night where seeing the plain unpainted walls had nearly shredded my heart into nonexistence. But tonight, I entered it once more. I offered Severus a smile and a lie about working on a bit of research before we went on holiday, and then I closed the door behind me. I cast a quick silencing charm on the room so he wouldn't hear me, and then I allowed myself to crumple on the floor and cry for my daughter in the room that used to be hers.

I thought that leaving the castle might make it easier, but I actually felt worse. Seeing the old childhood bedroom with a rickety twin bed, instead of the pristine white crib Severus had built with his bare hands had made it even harder. It also became difficult to hide the fact that I was collecting clocks, wash cloths, and baby socks. I think that was because this house would always be his house, and he would always know the hiding places much better than me.

"Severus, I was wondering if you would be interested in getting a different place," I said awkwardly over breakfast one morning in early July. "I know it seems a little out of the blue, but I'm struggling with the foyer more than I thought I would."

It was a lie, and it gutted me to see the way his face contorted at the thought that I was pained to be in this house. He would do anything to make me happy, and hated to see me be anything but. I knew before he spoke he would give me what I was asking for, and it only made me feel worse.

"Where do you want to move too?" he asked as he returned to pouring tea for the pair of us.

"I was thinking Hogsmeade," I answered lightly, dolling sugar out into the cups. "That way we can easily leave the castle for a night away if we wish."

"We may need to sell this house before we can afford real-estate so close to the castle," he hedged, keeping intense eye contact with the cream pitcher to avoid meeting my gaze.

"I'll use part of my inheritance Severus," I said quietly, taking my turn to look away from his face. "I wouldn't ask you to pay for a move that you are only doing out of politeness."

Again his face contorted, but this time I wasn't sure how I had hurt him. He schooled his features quickly, and I knew he wasn't going to tell me what I had done wrong.

"The homes in Hogsmeade are highly sought after," he explained as he took a seat across the table from me. "Adding that to this being a sellers' market at the moment, we may need to take out a loan if you insist on paying on your lonesome."

I thought I might have a better idea of what was offending him after that.

"I doubt we will need a loan," I said quietly, stirring my tea for something to do. "Both of my parents were rather successful dentists, and they left me everything in their will. Well left it to us I guess. I suppose we should go bout linking our accounts at Gringotts shouldn't we? Why haven't we done that yet?"

"I wasn't sure you would want to," he said quietly. "You are very independent. Even more so lately."

The last part was said quietly, and I got the impression he hadn't really meant to say it out loud. It was an inadvertent rebuke of my failed attempts at keeping him happy. I stiffened in my chair before relaxing my shoulders, and making a silent promise to do better.

"When do you want to start looking at places?" I asked him when I got the courage to look up from the table once more.

"No time like the present," he said with only the faintest trace of stiffness in his voice as he stood from the table once more. "I'll put in a floo call to have an agent meet us at the three broomsticks in half an hour."

The hunt for a new place was easy. There was only one open property in the entire village. It was a testament to the beauty of the little village, that the least wanted house was still pretty incredible on its own. There was a white picket fence around a yard with a garden that had gone a bit to seed, but could easily be brought back with a little care. The house itself was two stories, and the same white as the fence, with deep green shutters on the windows and a matching door.

The house itself was screaming for a family to live in it, and I saw Severus's eyes lit up a bit when the real-estate agent said something along those lines. My heart wrenched at the thought of the family we had lost. If only I had seen that face before getting pregnant in the first place, I never would have worried about telling him.

We followed the woman inside to find that the front door led right into the living room. I caught the smile from Severus at the lack of a foyer. There was a kitchen to the left, and a bathroom to the right. The door on the opposite wall, facing the front door, led to a staircase. The upstairs had another bathroom, and three bedrooms. I steered the conversation toward offices, so the agent wouldn't bring up children's bedroom once more.

"We'll take it," I said quietly from where I stood leaning against the door frame to the master bedroom while Severus ran his fingers of the chair molding in the hallway.

I looked on as Severus and the agent haggled price, and I wondered again how he could be so put together. It felt unfair that he was allowed to be so happy when I was so miserable. He had no memory of us ever having a child, or really even the time travel that happened. I hated being alone in this.

It took me a long time to piece together how he had escaped such a fate, but eventually I discovered the one difference. He hadn't existed during the time I had changed. It hadn't taken us long to figure out that anyone who had time traveled felt when time was altered, but this time we discovered that a person had to be alive to feel the change. What I did brought him back, but he came back with the memories that coincided with this present, and nothing else.

"Hermione?" Severus called, pulling me back out of my thoughts.

"Hmmm?" I answered; schooling my features into something that I hoped looked like a smile.

"There are papers to sign," he pointed out quietly, as he led me down to the kitchen where the agent was apparently waiting for us.

It happened quickly after that. We moved our things out of Spinner's End and into the house that Severus had affectionately entitled the Snape Snuggery. I had no intention of ever calling it that, but it made him chuckle so I laughed along with him. I had hoped that settling into the new house, that had no memories of nesting for a child would make some of the hollowness go away.

I was wrong.

It seemed the empty feeling was radiating from inside me, not from my surroundings. I wondered vaguely as I hide another box full of baby socks in the back of a kitchen cabinet if it was my torn soul that was causing the problem. Or maybe it was the feeling of being lost. I had established myself as the most knowledgeable source on altering timelines, and yet I had been the one to make the fatal mistake. I wished there was a time turner left, if only to use it to erase myself. Somehow that felt like the only way to fix this nightmare. I suppose it was lucky for me, and my survival, that there weren't any time turners left.


	3. Part 3

**Ch11: Songs for this chapter: The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel and Comes and Goes (In Waves) by Greg Laswell**

 **SPOV**

Hermione had seemed happy during the school year. Some of that happiness had faded when she had travelled back in time, but she had seemed to pull it back together. For a moment. As the summer wore on, I began to realize that she wasn't happy. Not only wasn't she happy, but she might actually be miserable. She finally told me that she wanted to move out of Spinner's End, and I thought I had the answer to what was so upsetting to her. But the hollow act that had become my wife, was still present under a different rough.

"Hermione, what exactly happened when you went back in time?" I asked her as I held her close with my head buried in her neck.

"I fixed things," she answered cryptically before nuzzling further into her pillow. "It wasn't anything important."

I didn't have to be looking in to her eyes to know she was lying to me. She had done something she hated, and the fact that she was unwilling to talk to me about it meant it was worse than I had imagined. I held her close while my mind raced to find the answer.

My arms stiffened around her when I remembered her bring questioned about the mysterious deaths at Azkaban. I locked down my body to stop the tremor I felt building in my spine at the realization of what she had done. I couldn't fault her, I had killed far more people, for less justified reasons, but I was afraid for her. She had spilt her soul twice, and suddenly her distant behavior this summer made sense to me. I felt the tiniest tremor in her back, and I knew she was fighting the urge to cry. How many nights had she lay beside me in bed crying without me realizing what was happening?

"Let's take a shower," I suggested, pitching my voice down into a husky registers, testing another theory.

She agreed easily, and slid out of bed, swaying her hips in a way she knew I loved. I watched her making her way to the bathroom, my heart breaking a little more. This wasn't the first time she was willingly giving me physical affection when she had literally just been about to cry. How had a missed the darkness creeping in to her?

I followed her into the bathroom reluctantly. I was resigned to finding out what her coping mechanisms where. I was praying they weren't the same as mine, but with how her distance and coldness reflected myself, I was afraid it would be.

By the time I walked into the bathroom she was standing naked in front of the shower. Her back was to the door, adjusting the temperature of the water. But when she heard the door click closed behind me, she turned and offered me a seductive look as she backed into the spray of the shower. Had that hollow look haunted her eyes each time we had been together this summer? Why hadn't I noticed?

I stepped into the shower with her, dropping my eyes to her chest. I was confident that it would look seductive, but I honestly just couldn't make eye contact with her right now. I claimed her lips with mine, kissing her earnestly, but I began to run my hands over her skin, searching for injuries. My initial search turned up nothing, so I released her from my kiss, and pinned her arms against the shower wall above her head. I ground against her both to distract her, and because being in the shower with her like this did still affect me.

I quickly check her arms for any sign she had been hurting herself, but they were pristine. I breathed a momentary sigh of relief, kissing her throat before I lowered myself onto my knees before her. Her hands fell down from where I had pinned them, and she buried them in my hair. For a moment I met her gaze, and I saw that her eyes were hooded. She might be trying to simply give me this to keep me from realizing that she was hurting, but clearly I still had an effect on her as well.

She sighed, gripping my hair more tightly as I pushed her legs apart. I disguised my search of her legs for injury with sensual caresses before I leaned in to give her what she thought this was all about. I poured my relief that she didn't seem to be hurting herself into the act I was committing with her. I tried not to think about how this felt somewhat criminal, and brought her to climax within a minute by hitting the spots only I knew about.

While she was quivering against the shower wall I regained my feet. I spun her around so her front was pressed into the shower wall, and she clung to it without complaint as her legs were still trembling. I brushed her hair to the side, and began to trail butterfly kisses across her back. I made a quick check to be certain that all of her skin was unblemished.

When I was certain that she hadn't channeled her guilt into self-injury, I pulled her back against me and turned us into the shower spray once more. I focused on my concern for her, so my excitement would fade away, and then I began to methodically wash her hair. I massaged her scalp as I went, turning her further to mush as I went.

"Mmm your turn," she groaned sleepily, trying to push back against me enticingly from where I was holding her tightly in place.

"Later," I told her softly, as I leaned her into the shower spray and started to wash the lather out of her hair. "For now I just want to love you. Let me do that."

Her eyes flickered, and I almost wanted her to start crying. Maybe if she cried she would get some of her pain out, and maybe she might even tell me the truth. If we could talk about what really happened, she might realize she wasn't alone in this. She wasn't the criminal she thought she was. And she didn't hold a candle to me.

But she didn't cry, she closed her eyes and let me continue what I was doing.

"I love you Severus," she said in a heavy voice that almost sounded desperate. "More than anything."

If I lived for a thousand years, it would be unlikely that sentence would ever stop haunting me. I had finally come to believe myself worthy of her love, but for the first time she sounded like she didn't believe she was worthy of mine. She sounded like a woman on the edge, ready to jump if only to be rid of her pain, and it ripped my heart out.

More than anything she had said. Was there more than the two murders? What else could she have done? What was she tearing herself up over.

"I love you too Hermione," I assured her as I pressed my lips against her forehead. "Forever."

She flinched, but then she grabbed the shampoo and worked her hands into my hair without acknowledgement of it. Either I had been incredibly unobservant this summer, or her defenses were slipping, because it seemed her every move was telegraphing her agony this morning.

We finished our shower, and she dressed in a gauzy white summer dress. She made her way into the living room, I assumed to do yoga, while I pulled on my black slacks and shirt, and began to search our bedroom for any sign of what was going on with her. I didn't find anything that made sense as a clue. Everything was in its rightful place, and the room was pristinely clean. It was possible she was channeling her pain into cleaning, but that seemed unrealistic.

I stood in the doorway to the bedroom, trying to look in with different eyes, and it occurred to me there were an awful lot of clocks in our bedroom. There was a clock on each of the night stands, hanging on each wall, and there were three of them sitting on our dresser. Why had she purchased so many clocks?

As I made my way downstairs to join her in the living room I noticed several more clocks hanging on the wall of the stairwell. Did something about that last trip make her question her ability to keep time? I stepped out into the living room, and saw that she was laying on the couch. As soon as she heard my feet on the landing she snapped up into a seated position, and began pulling her damp hair into a braid as if nothing had happened. But for one second I had seen her completely broken, and once again I felt the need to make this all better.

"Hermione," I began, pulling my eyes away from yet another clock here in the living room to meet her gaze. "A soul isn't truly shattered by murder if the person responsible is truly repentant."

She froze, her hands pulling at her own hair instinctively as she took in what I had said. In a painfully slow move she brought her eyes up from her lap to meet mine. She wasn't speaking, she wasn't crying, but her eyes were screaming her pain at me so loudly I could practically feel it.

"You know," she breathed so quietly it was almost silent.

It hung in the silence between us. I nodded my head gently, and her lip trembled. She bit it in an effort to stop the onslaught, but she couldn't stop it before a single tear fell from her eye. My response was cut off by the fireplace roaring to life with a burst of green light before settling into cheery orange flames.

Hermione moved quickly, throwing herself off of the couch, and dashing into the kitchen. I turned my head from the door slamming shut to look at the fire where I saw the face of none other than Harry Potter sat. His eyes did a quick sweep of the room, and then settled on me.

"Is Hermione home sir," the boy asked quietly.

"She's a little under the weather," I lied smoothly.

"I doubt that," he said quickly, and the cringed when he realized who he was talking back to. "She's been refusing my post for one reason or another all summer. This is likely more of the same."

He's been sending post? Was I just completely checked out this summer or what? It was amazing how blinding happiness could be. It seemed to have completely numbed my senses.

"Perhaps she doesn't want to speak with you," I said in the icy voice that never failed to instill fear in my students. "Or is your skull that thick?"

"Obviously she doesn't want to talk to me," the boy snapped, surprisingly unaffected by my snark. "I'm willing to wager she isn't actually talking to anyone about anything."

"What do you know?" I asked him, dropping all pretenses.

It occurred to me, as I watched him flounder for what to say, that Harry Potter had traveled through time before. Unless the weird blind spot that kept me from retaining the memories of the change had hit him too, he would know exactly what was slowly devouring my wife.

"I er think I should probably talk to Hermione about that," he said so nervously I was certain he was twisting his hands on the other side of the floo call.

"Assuming she'll speak with you," I scathed, moving away from the fire place so I could stick my head into the kitchen.

I poked my head in and saw her sitting at the table in the corner with her head buried in her hands. I was surprised to see that she wasn't crying through. She was simple staring at the table with a type of intensity I hadn't seen since her first potions examination all those years ago.

"Harry Potter would like to speak with you," I said softly.

"Tell him I'm not home or something," she said quietly without looking up from the table. "I don't want to talk to him."

"Did the two of you have a row?" I asked delicately. "He says you've been refusing his post."

"I just don't want to talk to him," she said quietly, that reserved tone coming back to her voice.

I nodded, and went back into the living room where Harry was waiting. I shook my head to let him know she wasn't coming out, and went to sit on the couch. Well now I know what her lying voice sounds like, I thought to myself in resignation. I scrubbed my hand over my eyes trying to reign my frustration back in. What was she hiding from me?

"I think I'm going to take a load of stuff up to the castle," she said when she finally came out of the kitchen.

Her hair was in a tight braid now, and she had a canvas tote slung over her shoulder. She slid on a pair of shoes, and I saw that she stiffened when the bag swung around on her shoulder. Either she was afraid the bag was going to spill open and reveal whatever it was that she had in there, or she had so much stuff stuffed in there that it was weighing her down. Either way, she kept quiet, and pulled the bag around so it rested in front of her stomach and held it close to her body.

"We can send it all up with one of the house elves tomorrow when we go up for the start of term staff meeting," I offered quietly.

"I want to get a head start is all," she offered with a smile that didn't meet her eyes. "I'll be back in time to make dinner."

She didn't wait for any sort of response from me. She simply turned on her heel and hurried out of the front door. I watched through the window as he kept her arms wrapped around her bag and ran toward the castle grounds. It looked like an awkward and frankly uncomfortable way to run. Whatever was in the bag was clearly very important to her. I wished she would talk to me, because it was pretty clear she was starting to lose her grip on sanity. I couldn't blame her, I had spun out for nearly a year after I took my first life as a death eater, but I had my occlumency to help me through it. She hadn't learned the skill, and was more of a talk therapy person if you asked me. But she wasn't talking, so finding a solution was proving difficult.

Hermione didn't come back before dinner like she said she would. I began making dinner for the two of us, expecting her to show up shortly after. Instead I found myself sitting at a table set for two as the meal slowly grew colder and colder, and she still hadn't arrived. I was just pulling on my outer robe when I saw that the sun was starting to set and she still hadn't arrived. I opened the door to start my search, and found her hunched over sucking air.

"Are you alright?" I asked her, reaching out for her.

"Yeah," she panted shirking past me to slip into the house. "I ran for longer than usual tonight. It made me feel a little out of shape."

"Oh," I said smartly, mentally slapping myself for jumping to conclusions for her safety once more.

I had gotten so much better about that over the course of the last year, but this problem shrouded in secrecy, had me worrying about her frailty once more. I followed her into the house, and found her in the kitchen casting warming charms on the dinner that was still sitting on the table.

"Do you want to talk about it," I asked her as I took a seat at the table once more.

"Not particularly," she said quietly as she took a seat. "The past is the past, and we truly can't change it now, so why dwell on it."

"That past has never been just the past for either of us though has it?" I asked quietly as I pushed around the food on my plate.

"And where has that gotten us?" she sniffed, staring at her dinner.

I pulled up short. Surely she didn't mean that the way it sounded? I set down my fork, and firmly locked down my occlumency shields so my emotions would not show on my face.

"I was unaware that you were so unhappy with the way things had ended up with us," I said stiffly, staring at the middle of her forehead rather than her eyes.

"Severus, I didn't…" she trailed off, seemingly unable to deny that she had been talking about us.

"I'm going to go for a walk," I said pushing up from the table and walking briskly to the door. "Perhaps you should talk to Harry while there is still someone who wishes to speak with you today."

It was harsh, but it was kinder than I was feeling. She had hit an unexpected nerve with me and suddenly the very idea of being in her presence enraged me. Where did she get off refusing to speak with me about what was happening, but still expecting me to understand it. How was I supposed to help her when she wasn't letting me in? And to suggest that she regretted us, well that was just unacceptable for me. I would not allow her to injure me so.

And that train of thought was why I had to leave the house. Because for the first time since she was just my annoying student, I wanted to verbally lash her. I wanted to berate her until she felt as terrible as I did, but instead I was going to walk around in the dark until I was calm enough to enter my home once more, and continue loving my wife properly. Assuming she still wanted to be my wife.

 **Ch12: Song for this chapter: Get It Right by the Glee Cast**

 **HPOV**

Severus walked out of the house with a brisk snap of the door closing. The silence settled around the house as I sat staring at the plate of food before me. What had just happened? Why had I said something like that out loud? I was afraid that he was leaving, for more than the night. It was a heady fear that shook me to the core. Could I keep going on if he left me? I honestly didn't think I could.

I stood up awkwardly from the table, and I drew my wand to vanish the evidence of our disastrous dinner. When the table was clear, and the house was silent I felt my lip begin to tremble once more. With no one here to see it would be so easy to lose the battle with my tears. Still I refused, and I summed a bit of parchment along with ink and quill from the upstairs office. I directed them onto the table and I penned a quick note to Severus.

 _I thought you might want a bit of space this evening. I've gone to stay in our chambers up at the castle._

 _Love,_

 _Hermione_

I set the quill down, and took a moment to gather a few of my trinkets while the house was empty. I pulled out all of the wash clothes I had stashed amongst the books on the bookshelf and shoved them into my tote bag. I even grabbed a few of the clocks that were scattered about the room. I had already smuggled out most all of my baby sock collection. I would have to come back later to get some of the books that I had borrowed on a permanent basis from the room of requirement.

When the bag was full to the brim I shrugged on my cloak, and slipped out into the night. It was starting to get quite dark out, and it seemed everyone had settled in for the night other than us. I hurried through the deserted streets, wondering if I would run into Severus. Wonder if I wanted to run in to him.

It didn't take me long to reach the gates of the castle. They creaked open on their own, granting me access and I saw that the grounds were blessedly empty. I didn't think I was up for anyone's company at the moment. I could taste iron in my mouth from how hard I was biting my lip to keep from crying.

I made it all the way inside the castle before I encountered anyone. Nearly Headless Nick was floating around the entrance hall, and was drawn to me almost instantly. I clutch my bag closely, and ducked my head hoping he would ignore me.

"What's troubling you tonight Mrs. Snape?" he asked me, sounding genuinely concerned.

"Nothing Sir Nicholas," I said quietly, shifting to the side in an attempt to move around him without being rude.

"You've bitten right through your lip," he pointed out. "Something seems to be wrong."

"Nothing that isn't easily forgotten," I responded off hand.

I had meant it as dismissive, and frankly dishonest, but it struck home after I said it. Why couldn't I simply forget it like Severus had? I could. I could forget all of it. I walked blindly forward, passing directly through Nick, but barely feeling the chill it caused.

I made my way down into the dungeons, going first to the potion store room instead of our chambers. The students weren't arriving until tomorrow, so Severus had not yet put up wards on the door. Not that his wards would be designed to keep me out, I thought to myself as I slunk into the room. I lit the tip of my wand and moved to the middle of the shelves searching for the little blue bottle I knew would be there.

"Aha," I said quietly, scooping the lethe river water off of the shelf and slipped back out of the room.

I continued on the rest of the way, taking the entrance inside of the potions classroom. Once the doorway shimmered back into the form of a wall I let myself cry. I released my lip from beneath my teeth and wiped the blood away with the sleeve of my cloak as the tears began to fall.

I could hardly see through them as I went to work. I set the potion ingredient on the table, and focused for a moment on hiding my treasures around our chambers. I added the clocks to the collection that was rapidly overtaking the mantle over the fire place. I blinked my blurry eyes, ignoring my hiccoughing breaths, as I stashed the washcloths neatly under the cushions in the couch.

The heavy weight that had settled in my chest at the beginning of the summer rippled, as I let go of some of the pain. I cried earnestly, no longer trying to be quiet when there was no one around to hear me. I tried not to think of Severus as I retrieved a tumbler from the kitchen. And I tried not to think of Ellie as I up ended the little blue bottle, pouring the entirety of the lethe river water into my glass.

It only took two drops in the forgetfulness potion to cause a person to forget a day or two out of their life. So if I drank the entire glass, I was sure to forget the entire summer. My only hesitance came from being unsure of how much more I would forget. I wanted things to be like they had before this whole nightmare, and this was the only solution I seemed able to come up with.

What would happen if this one was wrong too? I had already messed up so many times. I felt like I had single handedly destroyed my world. So what if this didn't fix it either? Would I care afterward? I might not even remember being upset about anything. I might not remember any sort of reason to be upset.

I roughly brushed the tears from my eyes, and reached with a shaking hand for the glass that sat before me. I was so focused on keeping it from spilling with how badly my hand was shaking as I brought it to my mouth that I didn't hear anyone approaching me.

I didn't know there was anyone in the room with me until the glass was snatch away from me just as it brushed my battered lip. I gasped, turning my head to see Severus holding the glass in a trembling hand, staring at the blue bottle on the table.

"Hermione… why?" he shuddered, his grip on the glass faltering allowing it to fall to the floor and shatter.

The water splashed onto our legs, and the glass sparkled in the light from the fire place. I stared at the glass or a moment before I forced myself to look up at his face once more. It swam before me, as my tears continued streaming.

"I just wanted to forget," I whispered, saying the first completely honest thing I had said to him all day.

"Only to forget?" he asked quietly, his eyes searching mine.

I wondered if he was searching my mind, but I didn't bother to look away from his eyes.

"Yes only to forget," I finally answered, wiping at the seemingly unending tears once more. "I don't even understand that question."

"You were going to drink an entire vial of lethe river water," he pointed out in a thick voice, and I saw that his throat was convulsing rapidly.

Was he fighting tears?

"I wanted to make sure that I forgot all of it," I whispered into the silence before I was forced to burry my face in the crook of my elbow to muffle another round of hysteric tears.

"Hermione a dose of lethe this large would kill you," he choked out when I managed to quiet down somewhat. "It's a mild poison, which consumed in such a heavy dose would be lethal."

"What?" I gasped looking at the now offensive empty blue bottle on the table.

"You… you weren't trying to kill yourself?" he whispered, vanishing the broken glass before kneeling down to bring his face level with mine.

"No Severus," I sighed, leaning in to hide my face in his shoulder. "I can't say the thought hasn't crossed my mind this summer, but that wasn't what I was doing tonight."

"I didn't know what to expect," he admitted shakily, his hand tangling up in my hair. "I've never before had a ghost come track me down. I also wasn't aware the ghosts could leave the school grounds."

"What?" I hiccoughed into his cloak.

"Nearly Headless Nick tracked me down where I was walking near the edge of the forbidden forest," he explained in a slightly unsteady voice. "He told me that you had said something cryptic before wandering off to the dungeons in a haze. He was seriously concerned for your safety. He said you were bleeding."

He gently pulled my head off of his shoulder so he could better investigate my lip. I met his eyes once more, and the dark pools seemed to be swimming with pain as he gently pulled my lip from of my teeth. He investigated the damage before drawing his wand and healing my injury.

"Please Hermione," he said, his hand still holding my face so I couldn't look away from him. "Tell me."

"I can't," I sobbed at him.

I shook uncontrollably as the sobs wracked me, but I managed to keep looking into his face.

"Please," he begged me, all traces of the stern potions master gone as he kneeled before me.

"It will be so much worse if you know," I whispered. "Please don't make me."

"Can't you see that this secret is destroying us?" he whispered back, brushing my tears from my cheeks with his free hand.

"It's already destroyed us," I admitted hoarsely. "You just haven't realized the full extent of it yet."

And that was all of the conversation I could handle. I collapsed in his arms, and I let go. I cried with everything I had, desperate to get this feeling out of me. Severus held me close, rocking me with a quiet resolve. If I had been able to look up, it was likely I would see that he was in just as much pain as me, but I couldn't even look up. If it weren't for him I would have been sprawled on the floor making an utter mess of myself and the floor of our chambers.

-`-'-

I eventually cried myself out right there on the floor, but Severus must have carried me into the bedroom because I woke up in bed. I noticed that I woke up in the bed alone, and I wondered if he had even slept last night. I slid out of bed, and crept over to the door. I could hear voices, so I listened at the crack rather than sticking my head through.

"I skipped the train, apparating straight here," a voice she recognized as Harry's said. "I was hoping she would be forced to talk to me if I was right in front of her."

"I don't know how well that will work," Severus answered him, sounding tired. "As you can see its worse than either of us thought."

"Yeah," Harry sighed, and I wondered if Severus had told him about last night. "Did you two row or something?"

"No I made this mess," Severus said in a resigned mess. "I found a washcloth hanging out of the bottom of the couch, and I started searching through the flat for others."

"So… she's hording?" Harry said quietly, and I couldn't stop myself from throwing the bedroom door all the way open and hurrying in to the room.

"What have you done," I gasped, looking around the living room in a panic.

The couch cushions were pulled off revealing all of the washcloths I had stashed there. He had even found the ones from summer that were still hidden amongst the books. Every clock in the places had been pulled down from its previous location and they were all stacked together on the table in the breakfast nooks. I breathed a quick sigh of relief that he at least hadn't found the baby socks.

"We'll talk about this soon," Severus said in tired sigh, standing up from where he was seated on the coffee table. "But for now, Harry has gone to a lot of trouble to talk to you, so I will leave you both too it."

I watched as he swept into the kitchen, still wearing yesterday's clothes, looking like he clearly hadn't slept. He left me there to face Harry, who was the absolute last person I wanted to see right now. Especially with my dirty laundry being unceremoniously aired in the living room.

"You shouldn't have come," I said quietly, trying to regulate the blind panic out of my voice.

"Hermione, look around you." He said gesturing around the room at the mess. "It's time we talked."

"There's nothing to talk about," I hedged.

"Nothing that you want to talk about," he corrected as he closed the distance between us and steered me down into the chair. "But there is plenty that needs to be talked about."

I just shook my head at him, angered by the fact that I could feel myself on the verge of tears once more.

"Look we both know how you ended up with a time turner, and we know what you did to stop Voldemort with it," he sighed as he sat in the chair across from me. "But now it's time to talk about the rest of it."

"You really aren't going to leave me alone until I do this are you?" I asked him.

"No I'm not." He said firmly, and I realized that he actually sounded like a man now, he had grown up. "So you can have your choice of topics. We talk about what got you started in this particular use of the time turner, or we can talk about what happened in June."

"Why I got started isn't my story to tell Harry," I said bluntly, unwilling to put all of Severus's secrets out on the table for others, even if he had inadvertently done just that to me.

"I had a feeling it had more to do with Snape than anyone was letting on," he admitted. "But I still think you should tell me."

"I won't." I answered petulantly.

"If you don't, I will simply go ask him." Harry argued. "He's in a surprisingly talkative mood this morning, and who knows he might need help searching the kitchen for more little hidden treasures."

"When did you start blackmailing?" I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I tried the polite friend way," he pointed out. "That ends with Hedwig doing a lot of pointless flying. Now, you started time travelling further into the past to help Snape right? What exactly were you trying to help him with?"

"I was trying to save someone, who he felt responsible for the death of," I said cryptically.

"And did he personally kill this person?" Harry asked.

"No, he didn't," I snapped.

"But he felt responsible, so you wanted to help him," Harry pushed, and I started to get suspicious of him.

"Right." I said succinctly.

"I will save you having to say it," Harry finally sighed. "Snape already told me about the prophecy, and telling Voldemort, and pretty much everything you did to try and help him."

I gaped at him. That was completely unexpected.

"So what I want to ask you, is why do you see yourself so differently than him?" Harry asked me.

"I don't," I said bluntly.

"Humor me then," Harry smirked. "Suppose there was a woman, who knew something bad had happened in her life, and she did something to protect herself, and that inadvertently led to the death of an innocent person. Would you consider her someone worthy of your help?"

I stared at him for a long time, unable to speak.

"When you phrase it in that connotation it sounds much better than it really is," I finally said, staring pointedly at all the clocks on the table. "I did kill two people intentionally that day, and one on accident."

"You didn't kill her Hermione," he said quietly, reaching for my hand.

I didn't reach out and take his hand, so he simply grabbed mine off the table and squeezed it. I stared at our hand, sucking in deep breaths of air, trying not to cry again.

"I understand that you feel guilty, but you didn't kill Ellie," he said quietly.

Her name was my breaking point, and the tears started flowing again. I at least managed to not make embarrassing sobbing noises.

"It was unfortunate that somehow your actions to save Severus erased the act of conceiving your child," he said stiffly, and I realized that this was awkward for him. "But that doesn't mean you killed her, and it doesn't mean you can't conceive again."

I heard a gentle thud in the kitchen, and I was startled by the thought that Severus didn't drop things. Unless he was incredibly shocked. I sucked in a deep breath of air, holding it in my chest, in an effort t keep from completely freaking out. Severus knew.

"I think it's my turn to try and help you," Harry said somewhere through the foggy panicky that was crowding in on me. "Because even thought you were doing those things for Snape, in a way you were also trying to help me."

"You can't help," I panted, feeling the beginnings of an all-out panic attack as I heard the kitchen door creak open behind me.

"I can actually," he insisted tugging my hand to try to make me look away from the clocks on the table. "Because you missed a time turner?"

"What?" I gasped, my head snapping around to look at him.

"The one that is encased in stone in your honor," he pointed out with a smile. "It was still intact."

I raised my eyebrow, and stopped breathing all together when he pulled a gold chain out of his pocket that ended in the time turner I had worn for a year. I could feel my heart racing faster, and I wasn't sure if it was from my panic or from not breathing.

"So I am going to go back, and stop you from tearing your soul apart," he said quietly. "And I am going to save your daughter, but only if you make me a promise."

"Anything," I vowed, the air gushing out of my lungs with the word.

"Talk to your husband," he said quietly. "You're making me act like a girl right now, and I will deny this conversation every happened if you ever tell anyone, but here goes. One thing that has been reveal by this version of the present is that your guys have some serious communication issues. Bringing the baby back won't actually fix those."

I nodded, willing to promise anything if he was really going to do this.

"Okay, so I need the date of when you went to Azkaban," he said, getting down to business. "And it might help if you could tell me specific details about where those guys are located… and er what day Ellie was er…. Made."

"Wormtail is on the third floor at the end of the corridor," I answered like this was a test question in class. "Malfoy is on the fifth floor, right by where the staircase lets out."

"And the other part?" he asked, turning five shades of purple.

"October 15th," I whispered. "It was in the afternoon, but I don't know if that matters."

"Snape already taught me the spells," Harry said, standing from his seat and draping the time turner over his neck. "So I'll be going then."

I hardly saw him departing from the room, because when I turned my head I caught sight of Severus in the kitchen doorway. His hands were full of the container full of baby socks staring at me with his broken heart showing through his eyes.

"I guess that explains these," he said with a shaking voice. "That's the secret? A baby?"

"Yes, our baby," I told him wiping at my eyes in frustration. "I erased her, and I couldn't tell you because you would hurt the way I do. Or you would hate me. Either would be too painful to bear."

"Oh Hermione," he said, dropping the container full of socks on the floor as he crossed over toward me.

Whatever he was going to say died on his lips as the air was disturbed near the table heralding that Harry was coming back. The quarters were changing as well. Suddenly the room was clean, spare for the baby bottle on the coffee table, and the baby blankets draped over the arm of the couch. Our memories shifted to include the ones that fit this new future. Memories of a pregnancy and our daughter being born, and so many more. I had a clear memory of putting her to sleep in her crib last night, and that she was in there right now. My breath caught in my chest as the sudden joy washed over me, and I brushed the last of the tears from my cheeks, turning to see Harry materialize in front of the table.

 **Ch13: Song for this chapter: Someday by Rob Thomas**

 **SPOV**

My heart did something strange inside my chest as the memories washed through my mind. I was aware that Harry had appeared inside the sitting room with us, but I couldn't look at him. My feet carried me automatically into the nursery as I replayed the memories of Hermione going into labor up in the hospital wing in the middle of her work day at the end of summer term. The memory didn't do her any justice.

She lay in her white basinet sleeping peacefully with her fist curled up under her cheek. She was heart-breakingly beautiful and I couldn't imagine looking at another face and seeing it as nearly as beautiful as my daughter. Ellie, the name repeated again and again in my mind, until it was replaced by a new one. Hermione. Suddenly I understood her grief over this last summer. I had felt a shadow of it myself just minutes ago.

I had pulled that container full of baby socks out of the cabinet, and for a moment it had been pure confusion that had flowed through my body. But then things began to click into place, and when I heard my theories confirmed in the sitting room I was certain my heart had stopped beating. I had stood there, holding those baby socks close to my chest, trying to imagine a baby in my arms. I had wanted a family for a while, but it was a subject that Hermione and I had not spoken about. I thought about what I had heard Harry say to her and I realized he was right, there was a lot we still needed to talk about. We had developed a close relationship from her travels in my past, but as for our interaction in the present, they had been mostly physical. While those interactions had given us Ellie, they had left us with a rather large gap in our relationship. It was frightening to realize how close we had come to ending it.

I gingerly lifted our sleeping baby out of her bassinet , cradling her to my chest, and breathing in her perfect baby scent. I moved slowly so as not to wake her, and went to join Hermione and Harry in the living room once more. They were sitting on the couch, talking once more.

"How did you do it?" she asked him. "I don't remember there being any sort of trial."

"You didn't actually tell me what date you went back to, so I just went back to the middle of summer," he explained to her. "And I took a page out of your book, and raided the potions supply closet before I went to Azkaban. Both of them appeared to have gone into heart failure, so there wasn't a trial for suspicion of murder."

"How do you fell though?" she whispered to him averting her eyes. "I was so… torn up."

"Honestly I just feel relieved," he admitted quietly. "They both did things that hurt my family both biological and chosen. I made it so they couldn't do it again."

I nodded my head, understanding him completely. I would not have felt guilt over protecting my family either. Perhaps it had to do with testosterone.

"I expect you'll be replacing the missing pable plant extract," I said in an attempt to maintain the position of the strict potions master.

"Of course sir," Harry said with a smirk.

I knew without anyone saying it, that it would be Hermione who would replace the missing ingredients.

"I will gladly murder you if you so much as breathe a word of this," I said inclining my head toward Harry. "But thank you, for what you did."

"I'd do it again," Harry said maintaining eye contact with Hermione rather than me. "You don't have to be alone anymore Hermione. Just remember that okay?"

He didn't wait for any sort of reply. He simply stood and made his way toward the door that let out into the dungeon corridor. He stopped with his hand on the door knob and turned to face us once more.

"I didn't destroy the time turners this time around," he said quietly. "But maybe we should all agree to refrain from using them?"

I nodded, and Hermione hummed her ascent. A time turner had brought us together, but another had just as easily almost torn us apart. Personally I was done with the whole lot of them. I joined Hermione sitting on the couch as Harry left our chambers. She was quiet, but her shoulders shook, and I knew she was crying again.

"Do you want to hold her?" I asked her quietly.

"I don't think I can," she whispered without looking up from her lap. "I'm afraid to make it real. What if she goes away again?"

"She's never going anywhere," I swore to her, instinctively holding Ellie a little bit closer. "I would lay down my life to protect our daughter. You must know that."

She turned to look at me, and even though there were tears streaming down her face, and her eyes were a little puffy, I recognized her as the only other beautiful woman in my life. She drew a shaky breath, and offered me a watery smile before she spoke.

"You should hate me," she told me. "I erased our baby to save your life."

"It was a mistake," I told her calmly. "My only wish is that you would have talked to me about it."

"I couldn't," she sighed, hugging her arms around herself for comfort. "I couldn't make you feel as awful as I was feeling."

"Don't you understand that I was just as torn apart by you shutting me out as I would have been by knowing what we had lost?" I asked her. "Do you know that all summer I dated all of my documents with June 24th and I didn't know why? And I felt this sense of loss deep in my chest, that I couldn't explain. If we had spoken I think we both would have felt better."

"Part of you still remembered her," Hermione whispered, letting go of her torso for a moment so she cool gently grip Ellie's foot. "I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you. If I promise not to lock away my emotions again, will you forgive me?"

"Hermione, I will always forgive you because I love you," I promised her. "But I think what we both need to promise is to always be honest with one another, whether it will hurt us at the time. And no distractions to keep from discussing things. I have happy memories to overlap them now, but I will never forget that dead look in your eyes while you went through the motions of making love to me Hermione."

Her face ripple with the pain of my words, but she nodded her head and didn't argue with me.

"When did this happen?" she said finally. "Remember when we were kids, and we would hide out in the tent in the yard, and you would keep secrets from me? When did we switch roles?"

"I think you started keeping secrets in the beginning because I asked you too," I admitted. "But it started to spin out of control at the beginning of this summer. Let's not dwell on it through. Let's move forward instead."

And I once again offered Ellie to her, holding my arms out in invitation. To my immense relief she reached out and gingerly scooped our daughter from my arms. The last of the pain bled out of her face as she stared down into the face of our little bundle of joy in her arms. She was absolutely glorious in the moment that her face filled with a happy smile at the sight of our baby returned.

"My little Ellie," she whispered reverently. "I love you so much little baby."

-`-'-

The two of us fell back into what had been a routine already, even if it was actually new to us after that. Dobby came to our quarters each morning to take over the care of Ellie while we worked. I would go to my lessons, and she would go up to the hospital wing for further training. We would come back to our chambers for lunch so Dobby could have an hour off, and so that we could spend more time with our daughter who was learning to roll over. Then we would put in an afternoons work before having dinner together. We very rarely ate in the great hall anymore. We didn't want to subject a two month old baby to all of the germs that would be floating around up there.

Hermione began joining me for evening a light evening workout in our chambers, rather than going for a run. Which I didn't understand until we started talking more. We had Harry and sometimes Ron down for tea nearly every night, and while a part of it was to keep some sort of social life, it was mostly to be sure that Harry was okay with what he had done. He seemed to be coping well, but we weren't likely to stop having tea anytime soon.

When tea had ended, and Ellie was tuckered out from playing or simply being cuddled by us, we would put her to bed. Then Hermione and I would settle in by the fire and partake in our new nightly ritual of sharing a secret with one another. Sometimes we shared troubling secrets, sometimes we shared happy ones, and occasionally we shared something as simple as a personal tidbit the other might not know about us. We were slowly mending the foundation of our relationship and building upon it. I imagined it must be taxing for Hermione, because there were many nights that I found it to be strenuous.

"What do you want to know tonight?" she asked me as she snuggled up next to me in our oversized armchair near the fire.

"What is your favorite memory of your father?" I asked her.

"Going to the fair for the first time," she answered quietly, her arms reaching instinctively to wrap around me. "I was four I think. He let me ride on his shoulders while we walked through the crowds, and even though it was absolutely awful for my teeth he let me have as much cotton candy as I wanted. I almost got bitten by a goat, but I thought my daddy was a super hero because he scooped my up and away from the goat in the nick of time."

"Why would a goat try to bite you?" I asked in amusement.

"I was kneeling down by its enclosure picking flowers," she said with an airy laugh. "It probably thought I was stealing its food or something."

"Well, shame on you." I chuckled, pulling her tightly against my side. "Scaring a helpless goat like that."

"Yes, I was a very naughty child," she sighed. "What is your favorite memory of your mother?"

I paused for a long time, trying to find the right answer. So many of my memories that involved my mother weren't happy at all.

"The summer before I met you, was a pretty good summer for my mother and I," I started quietly. "My father was working long hours at the mill, so we had long hours in the day where there wasn't any fear. I remember one day when she made us a picnic and we sat out in the sunlight on one of our tattered old blankets. We ate cheese sandwiches and drank water, but it felt like a feast to me."

"Did your mother enjoy cooking?" she asked me.

"Not particularly," I mused, thinking about how jumpy she always got in the kitchen. "She had a talent for cooking, but she never seemed to enjoy it."

Unexpectedly a memory of my father viscously attacking my mother in the kitchen flashed through my mind. I felt my body go rigid underneath Hermione's touch, as the memory of why she was so jumpy in the kitchen slipped through my occlumency shields in my distraction

"What just happened?" she asked, and I knew if I tipped my head down I would see her looking up at me.

I didn't want to answer her, but we had made a promise to never lie to one another again. So I drew a deep breath, and resolved to tell her about it.

"I was remembering why my mother hated being in the kitchen so much," I told her, speaking in a slow and even voice in an effort to keep from being emotional. "You witnessed yourself that my father was a violent man, and that happened anywhere in the house. But the kitchen somehow became the place that he always attacked her when he wanted something she wasn't in the mood to give him. I imagine she came to hate cooking because in her mind it would likely have been associated with sexual assault."

I felt Hermione stiffen at that, but I did not ask her why. This time her body told me more than her words would have. I knew a part of her grieved for my mother, but a part of her was remembering the memories of the time line in which I had not survived and Lucius Malfoy and Barty Crouch Jr had tortured her in every way they could in an effort to break her. That had been hard for her to tell me, and much like my mother hated to be in the kitchen I had serious doubts that Hermione would ever set foot willingly in the headmasters office again.

"Your mother was such a brave woman," Hermione said finally, nuzzling her head further into my chest.

"I wish I had actually met her during the time I spent living with you."

"I am certain that she would have loved you," I assured her holding her tightly to me. "She was a fan of anything that could put a smile on my face."

We stayed in the chair together for a long time, simply enjoying the other's company. We would eventually go to bed, and most likely wake up in the middle of the night to take care of a hungry or fussy Ellie, but for now it was nice to just be.

 **Ch14: Song for this chapter: Your Hand In Mine by Explosions In The Sky**

 **EPILOGUE**

 **Universal POV**

Unexpectedly that year at Hogwarts turned out to be their last. It was a combination of many things. The first was that Madam Pomfrey realized that she wasn't quite ready to retire after all. She welcomed Hermione to continue studying under her while she was there, but her discovery coincided with Hermione's own startling discovery that she would rather stay at home with her child than be a working mother.

In their own right those had both been surprising, but did not necessarily mean that the couple needed to leave the castle. What lead to their rather abrupt departure was a conversation between Severus and Albus during the middle of winter term. Severus was called to the headmaster's for a discussion of the upcoming year.

What Severus expected to be a conversation about updating the curriculum turned into the announcement that both Albus and Minerva had decided to retire, and were intended to move away together. Albus expressed that he expected Severus to step into the role of headmaster, and they were both surprised by the younger man's violent reaction to the assumption.

There was a part of Severus that had never forgiven Albus for everything that had happened with the Potter's, and the nerves frayed by the problems he had wrought between he and Hermione were still incredibly raw. Severus had never been one to point out to Albus how his meddling ways caused more problems than they fixed, but that afternoon in the headmaster's office something had changed.

He verbally undressed him for assuming that Severus would simply follow his whims anymore. He outright attacked him for the torment he had unleashed on Hermione during such a troubling year for her. There were many harsh words shared, but by the end of the meeting every bit of dirty laundry between them had been aired.

Surprisingly they parted on good terms, but they also parted with the understanding that Severus was resigning his position at Hogwarts to pursue a career more suited to his mastery of the subject of potions, and that his wife and child would be accompanying him.

So when the summer did finally come, for the first time in too many years to admit to anyone without a bit of embarrassment, Severus packed all of his possessions rather than the few that he would normally take home to Spinner's End. Hermione packed her things as well, and when they left the day after the students departed, the dungeon quarters were left empty, and perhaps a little bit haunted by the happiness that used to exist there.

-`-'-

In the end they settled into the same house they had purchased in another timeline. Together they added on to the house to create a private laboratory for Severus. He worked from home as a potions supplier for several apothecaries around England as well as the rest of Europe. Hermione did not work, but rather devoted her time to their lovely daughter, and to creating a loving home that benefited them all mutually.

It took time for the two of them rebuild upon the crack that had developed in the foundation of their relationship, but they eventually did. They grew closer together as each year passed, and the love they shared served to further nurture their daughter. There were many things that could be said about the way Severus had been brought up, but none of them would apply to his daughter. She would never be the sullen and withdrawn person her father had been, much like he would never be that man again, not truly.

Ellie, proved to have gained her parents intelligence and was skilled beyond her years in the art of magic before she began to attend Hogwarts. She loved to read possibly more than her mother did, and absolutely devoured all of the old school books Hermione had been to sentimental to get rid of after leaving school. She had no wand to test the theory, but her wandless was already proving to be more controlled than your average child.

It had taken a long time for the three of them to find their way there, but they were all truly happy. It seemed odd to think that Ellie might have to work for happiness, but her life had started out so rockily that her parents were thrilled every time a smile graced her face. And Hermione and Severus shared many smiles themselves, having finally left behind all of their darkness that they possibly could.

-`-'-

-`-'-

 **FIN**


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